Guru Girl in Training

Happy New Year!

2011-01-10T14:51:00.001-08:00

I have sorely neglected this blog but have been posting, here, instead.

Feel free to find me there or look around at what I have left behind for you on this blog.

Love, warmth and peace to you this year!

Jeanine

Remembering Heath...

2010-01-22T15:33:00.000-08:00

Caffeine Free

2009-06-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

I am happy to announce that I have been gradually decreasing the amount of sweet tea I drink and then, more sharply in the past few days, so that I can get off caffeine and back to drinking the tonic herbal tea I used to drink years ago. The day before yesterday, I had it once, about 5-7 swallows and yesterday, I had none!! YAY!

I have had some withdrawal symptoms. Here is a list I found on Yahoo...

Headache – (often described as being gradual in development and diffuse, and sometimes throbbing and severe)
Fatigue -- (e.g., fatigue, tiredness, lethargy, sluggishness)
Sleepiness/drowsiness -- (e.g., sleepy, drowsy, yawning)
Difficulty concentrating -- (e.g., muzzy)
Work difficulty -- (e.g., decreased motivation for tasks/work)
Irritability -- (e.g., irritable, cross, miserable, decreased well-being/contentedness)
Depression -- (e.g., depressed mood)
Anxiety -- (e.g., anxious, nervous)
Flu-like symptoms -- (e.g., nausea/vomiting, muscle aches/stiffness, hot and cold spells, heavy feelings in arms or legs)
Impairment in psychomotor, vigilance and cognitive performances

The ones I have experienced are fatigue, sleepiness, difficulty concentrating, decreased motivation for tasks, some anxiety and some depressed mood and irritability.

I have been going to bed earlier and sleeping later, and much less interested in chores like reading email, cooking, reading work-related stuff, etc. And two mornings in a row, I woke up thinking, in surprise, "I feel kinda depressed!"

But I am also experiencing some family stress right now so it is the perfect time to get off caffeine. That's part of the reason I chose now to actually make the break when I'd been gradually lessening the amount I drank for a couple of weeks.

I figure if I'm going to feel stressed anyway, I won't really be able to tell the difference.

BUT ... I'm glad to know that some of the symptoms I've been having may have had more to do with not drinking tea than with my reaction to stress.

And I am SO proud of myself!

"Most people will not feel the effects of caffeine withdrawal three to four days after stopping caffeine" ~~wisegeek.com

That's a relief! Because this is Day Two and my partner will be here for a visit on Day Four. I'll be sure to pass this prediction on to her :).

And I think I'll make some apricot tea sometime today. Though that's one of the chores I'm not yet in the mood for because I have to clean the tea maker, measure it out, pour in the water...

Here's what some people may find interesting: I have rarely had more than an 8oz. glass of tea in one day, broken up over 3-4 meals. Even when I had a part-time job for which I guzzled tea for energy, I never drank more than half a 12oz. cup. But I have always been very sensitive to caffeine!

"As little as one cup of coffee can produce addiction." ~~article from associatedcontent.com

I've been looking up natural methods for managing withdrawal symptoms. One is to drink more water, which I was already doing. Another is to drink peppermint tea ~~ but I have peppermint oil and was using that, too.

Another article suggested taking a B vitamin. I had a bottle in my cabinet and noticed it the other day so I've been taking it for two days now. I think it has helped, as have the water and the peppermint.

Crystals and an aromatherapy blend have helped the tension and stress and jitteriness.

I've been craving sweets because of the decrease in sugar ~~it was sweet tea, after all~~ but I have a fruit blend I drink in the morning, which I've added to my afternoon and evening, and a couple of times have just given in and had something sweet. Like Sunday's strawberry milkshake from McD's.

Ah, yes! I remember it well.

So, anyway, off I go into the wild blue caffeine-free yonder!

Apricot tea, anyone?

Quiz: How Gay or Straight Are You?

2009-04-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

Your result for The How gay or straight are you? Test...

5

Congratulations! You scored ###%!

Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual. You're in the grey. However, you are pretty much gay, and its unlikely that you'd get yourself involved with anyone but the same sex. There are always those instances where you may just click with someone, or, if enough alcohol is invovled, ANYTHING can happen. Chances are slim though, enjoy your partner!

Take The How gay or straight are you? Test

Farewell to Spring Break

2009-04-10T14:34:00.000-07:00

We didn't watch a movie today, but we did go to Barnes & Noble. After a fabulous time there during which my son got to see several baby chicks and got to hold one of them (outside the store, in the mall), we went to lunch with my mother and later, hung out with her for a while at her house.

It has been a wonderful day and a fabulous week!

We've watched movies, slept in, had fun at Barnes & Noble a couple of times, and just had carefree time together. Tonight, my son will spend the night with my mother and I will go to the Tenebrae service at church. It's a little too powerful for young children.

But my son and did talk our way through this "last week" starting with Palm Sunday, so he knows the day Jesus was crucified and that yesterday was Passover, during which Jesus celebrated a last supper with his closest friends before telling them a very poignant goodbye.

During last week's homeschooling, he read several chapters in John and said he almost cried because it was so moving! I wish I could play a song by Bryan Duncan which really expresses the mood of those chapters...

I would like to say
Just before I leave you
I'll be back someday
And with me, I will take you
You will not suffer long
Only watch and pray
And wait for my return

Please know that I love you
I'll stay by your side
If only now in spirit
I'll still be your guide
You will not suffer long
And I've suffered for you
I love you with my life

Beautiful lyrics!

Hopefully, I'm remembering them exactly right. I tried to find the YouTube video but couldn't. But it is one of my favorite Easter songs, along with "The Easter Song" performed by both Keith Green and 2nd Chapter of Acts.

Anyway, what a lovely week!

And I expect a weekend just as powerful.

What Easter Means to Me

2009-04-08T18:28:00.000-07:00

After Wednesday Night Supper tonight at my church, our pastor led a Bible study during which we watched a DVD presentation with Marcus Borg and Dominic Crossan. This week's topic was Substitutionary Atonement.

They assert, and I agree, that Jesus gave his life as a sacrifice. He believed in his mission and his message so much that he stuck to his guns, so to speak, even though he knew it would probably lead to his death. The same could be said of Martin Luther King, Jr. or Ghandi. So his life was a sacrifice.

But not a substitute.

In fact, they make the point that part of Jesus' message was to let people know that instead of having to go to the temple to make a sacrifice and seek forgiveness through the high priest, they each had individual access to God and always had.

During the discussion afterward, the analogy I used was that it's like moving to a new place where the electricity has been turned on but the people moving in don't know it. So they don't flip the switch. And they remain in the dark.

One of the other people in the group asked, basically, "if Jesus didn't die for our sins, then do you still have to believe in him to go to heaven?".

The prevailing theme of the group's responses was that Jesus had a lot to say about how we should live and what impact a loving relationship with God should have on the way we live, but he didn't seemed to be focused so much on requirements. It is as if he was setlling once and for all that God loves and forgives us and then, says, "Now, then, how shall we live? Here are my suggestions...".

He wanted to make it clear that Roman imperialism was not the way, and neither were greed or force or violence, but instead, the way is love. God's love and our love for each other. Which cannot be taken away from us.

And the crucifixion followed by the resurrection demonstrates that with an exclamation point and in highlighted color.

That's what Easter means to me!

The lights are on. Flip the switch.

Marie, thanks for giving us Keith!

2009-04-06T20:02:00.000-07:00

Marie Olbermann, Keith Olbermann's mother, died recently (did he say Saturday?) and he gave a brief tribute to her tonight on Countdown.

She sounded like quite a gal!

But since I did not know her, what explains my sense of loss? And how did I go from really enjoying his occasional diatribes, loving his perspective on the day's news and laughing at his sharp-tongued comments to grabbing at my heart when his voiced failed at the end of his loving tribute?

It's official (yeah, like it wasn't before!): I.Am.A.Sap

Loving Us the Way a Mother Would

2009-04-05T11:22:00.000-07:00

Today is Palm Sunday. Though I can't say I particularly enjoyed walking in with the palms and singing a hymn all the way through twice as we waited for nearly the entire congregation to amble in, I did imagine getting to be a part of the original anti-parade, and feeling all the pride and joy as I got to celebrate Jesus. I love to see people be honored or celebrated!

My mind wandered a little during the sermon, but one of the stories he told, when I was paying attention, really touched me.

He was quoting another pastor, I believe, who told of a night his young son had had a violent nightmare. A nun had told him in school that day that if he "wasn't a good boy" (or something similar), he might go to hell! So after this nightmare, when his father came into the room, he asked him if he was going to go to hell.

His father said, "All I know is, if you're going, I'm going with you!"

I teared up at that because I made the immediate comparison my pastor wanted us to make. That our God, who loved us so much, wanted to be with us in our suffering. That if we had to go through it, God was going to come to us and go through it with us!

It reminded me of the time when my son swallowed a penny (imagine the horror!), and had to have surgery to remove it. I could hardly bear to leave his side and indeed, asked them if I could go with him and hold his hand while they gave him the amnesia. I'm almost crying just remembering that moment. Because, of course, they told me no. But they told me in cheerful child voice for his benefit as well as mine that one of the nurses would be right there with him.

I have to say that I understand SO MUCH MORE about God's love for me now that I am a mother!!

So I love it when my pastor makes those kinds of comparisons. I get it instantly, and with feeling.

And what a gift for me as we head into Holy Week.

So this is what happiness feels like...

2009-03-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of spiritual work lately. Dreamwork, intuitive readings, animal medicine, reiki, the Healing Codes. And I have a sense of mission and purpose and connectedness that is wonderfully new. Perhaps I'd lost sight of purpose? Was a little bored?

But I feel more connected to all that is and more aware that I'm here for a reason and that all of heaven would like to connect me with my life mission.

So I have lots of fun and exciting moments when I'm analyzing a dream or doing a reading for myself. And rewarding moments when I'm doing distant healing with my clients. Lovely breaks in the routine when I'm reading a book, watching a movie with my son, singing with him at the top of our lungs to a song on the radio as we're driving. Laughing with my partner over something one of us has said, looking ahead to when she'll be here for a visit or here for good.

And then, there are moments when I am inhaling pollen or so tired I can barely focus on the TV. Or putting on moisturizer. Or chewing an antacid. Slicing the boiled eggs and adding a little salt and pepper.

It was during one of those moments this afternoon when I stopped for a second and asked myself, "Is this happiness?" When people say they are happy can it include boring moments? Having an unresolved illness? Occasional exhaustion? Is my life similar to the lives of those people who pause and smile and say, "I'm happy!"?

I believe it is!

Do you feel lucky? A St.Pat's "Tuesday Two"

2009-03-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

It's St.Patrick's Day today and my son and I have been celebrating...

It all started with green eggs and bacon. We've also been listening to Irish musicians, drawing rainbows and telling leprechaun stories.

Here are the Tuesday Two for anyone who wants to play...

1) I am very lucky because ...

2) If I found a magic 4-leaf clover ...

And here are some tunes for inspiration...

Linger

Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Oh, you want to know my answers?

I am very lucky because...

I am married to the love of my life, I have a family I love, I know how to heal when I need it, I have a rich spiritual connection and faith that makes me feel surrounded by love and support, I have a cherished group of friends and a life mission I'm honored to live out each day to the best of my ability.

If I found a magic 4-leaf clover...

I would ask for 4 wishes, one for each clover

1) I would wish to be wealthy for the rest of a very long

2) I would wish to be healthy for the rest of a very long life

3) I would wish for every living being to be healed of all its wounds and be made whole (yes, this is "world peace" said differently)

4) I would wish for infinite wishes to be used whenever I needed them

Kids Say the Cutest Things

2009-03-10T21:32:00.000-07:00

We were just about to pass the plants on our way into Kroger when my son asked me about why something was against the law and I explained it.

"You know, I used to think people were saying against the log!" he said.

"I kept wondering, what log?" he told me. "And I'd see a picture of a log in my head."

He said he still sees the log even though he now knows the correct way to say it.

My Very First Womanless Beauty Pageant!

2009-02-21T10:18:00.000-08:00

I had such a blast last night that I hardly know where to begin!

The event was a benefit for leukemia and lymphoma put together in part by one of my friends from church. And it was hosted by my favorite friend from church. Although I should say that it was his alter ego or female persona who did the hosting. Another church friend was a relcutant participant ~~ that is to say he was quite nervous about wearing a dress and strutting his stuff for the contest ~~ and he won the contest!!

He is Miss Thang 2009! :)

Watching him enjoy all the attention he received and seeing him ham it up quite a bit, more, I'm sure than he'd thought he would, was so much fun. He was awfully darn cute and endearingly vulnerable!

But I was completely charmed by the alter ego of my friend, the performer/host. It was like shining a spotlight on parts of who he is that only sort of sneak out from time to time, or reveal themselves in muted colors. Whereas this was full of life in every way, bright, bold, vivid, sparkly! That person doing the high kicks and riding the leg of someone who was slipping a dollar into his dress was my sweet, loving, sometimes kind of quiet friend!

But it was more than just talented and sexy performances. During one number, it felt like he was wearing his heart and his soul on top of his beautiful dress. He was lip-synching to "Do It Anyway" and it was so moving that tears came to my eyes!

Later, when I got home, I kept thinking about it and wanted to cry again!

I wonder if he puts on courage as he slips into his dress and secures the wig. Or does it just happen naturally when he hears the music?

I often dance in my head, and occasionally in my living room. And the way I feel is similar to how I felt when I used to do karaoke. Like I had all this feeling that I wanted to release, like I needed to express myself, to be myself, more than I usually do.

Is that what it's like for him, I wonder.

And does it help to become someone else before that kind of performance? Does the alter ego have a personality separate from his that sinks into his skin along with the makeup?

Who would I be if I could create an alter ego? Wonder Woman comes to mind. So does Xena. Were they handing a microphone to a shy warrior on all those Friday and Saturday nights years ago? Who was it that could dance by herself on the dance floor and get completely lost in the music?

As you can see, it was a fascinating experience.

And we raised $2500!

Friday Five: Taking A Break

2009-02-19T23:36:00.000-08:00

I offer this Taking a Break Friday Five...

Tell us how you would spend:

1. a 15 minute break: reading a magazine or soaking up the sun on the balcony

2. an afternoon off: taking a nap, reading a book or watching a movie with my son

3. an unexpected free day: hanging out at home~~movies, popcorn

4. a week's vacation: I rarely go anywhere. Mine are all "staycations". I sleep late, have pancakes for breakfast, order pizzas, spend time with my family, read, watch TV, take naps. I'm taking next week off, actually, and I have all of that planned

5. a sabbatical: learning new healing modalities, writing a gay romance novel

Medicine Reiki

2009-02-19T16:56:00.000-08:00

The most recent spiritual director training module has been my absolute favorite, so far, by far!

Since the retreat weekend that ended at the beginning of this month, I have looked for ways to delve deeper into the mysteries of animal medicine (no, not veterinary medicine) and have done medicine card readings and animal medicine meditations. It has been wonderful, and really seemed to reflect who I am.

But I wanted more!

I found out about medicine reiki and decided to pursue it. As I type right now, I am still lightheaded and tingly after an hour-long attunement to the medicine reiki energies. I knew the moment it started because I began to feel the energy. After a while, I could tell that it seemed to be moving chakra to chakra. I first became sure of it when I felt it at my heart chakra.

Suddenly, I felt like I loved everyone and wanted to help people. Though, of course, I have felt that way before, the deep, sweet tenderness was new. The longing to help, the sense of imperative, was new. Or long-forgotten.

And it felt like I was surrounded by vibrating waves of energy, all over, but also concentrated, at times, in certain chakra areas. I also felt the presence or energy of friendly, loving, vibrant companions. At times, I felt like there was an angel in the room. But also some kind of "wise man/shaman" energy.

Also, I had images of several of the animals I have come to know as part of my collection of animal totems: deer, dog, bear and moose. But also lion, which I had not previously identified. I felt like I heard a lion's roar in my head and I had this sense of power/empowerment. Right at that time, "I Am Woman" started playing on the radio in my head, which made me giggle a bit.

There was a quiet joy and confidence, a sense of being grounded and centered. Like I was sitting on the earth, sticking my hands into rich soil. A few moments were infused with a sense of the holy, with sacredness. And I had the thought that I want to help other people feel that way. That sense of connection with the sacred. It was God's presence plus a sense of awe, of majesty!

At one point during this experience, I felt like I was taking a magic carpet ride. As if there were vibrations beneath me. And then, that gave way to a deep, deep sense of peace.

After that, I felt a little sleepy. And that felt so normal that I thought maybe I could get up to get my notepad to write some of this stuff down. Before that, I had felt a desire to get up, but either didn't really feel like I could or didn't really want to when I considered it. But this time, I did, and I felt dizzy. Lightheaded. The way I feel right now, half an hour later!

But also excited! A sense of limitless possibility. A renewal of my calling to heal but this time, paired with a certainty that whatever my destiny is (healing, included), it will be fulfilled. So there was a lovely feeling of wellbeing and peace. Tingly peace, I suppose.

I have had several attunements over the years. But none this powerful! I'm really grateful.

Valentine's Day Card from my Wife

2009-02-14T20:11:00.001-08:00

I want you to know...
Life for me changed forever the day we met.

I could not know then
how one person could have
such a profound impact on me.

You have changed how I feel about
my hopes, my dreams, my fears, myself

You have made me a better person
And for that I will always love you.

Happy Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T15:48:00.000-08:00

As I type, I am listening to the sweet music of my son's laughter in another room. How wonderful that for him, a special Valentine's Day would have to include a long talk with Grandma, filled with joy and lots of giggles.

Although I wish I had been able to celebrate with my entire family (all four of us), I've had a great day. My son and I gave each other Valentine's Day cards, watched two movies and went for a walk this afternoon. My card for him was a Smilebox, but he loved it!

I also enjoyed creating and sending Smilebox Valentines to my friends today. I felt tuned in to love today, connected to my friends, connected to my family. It was fun to cekebrate love.

And it's not over yet. After the kidlet is snugly tucked into bed, the wife and I will have some phone time to ourselves. She is not likely to be in much of a Valentine's Day mood, because this day is also the one-year anniversary of the death of her grandmother, and they were very close.

It bugs me that I can't be there to hold her as she thinks about her Grams, but I will do what I can as we talk. We haven't spoken today yet, but I feel very connected to her already. I feel her love for me and I hope she feels mine. I think my quieter energy is already prepared for our talk.

The sun did not make an appearance and I set the energy volume on low so today would be restful. It has been good, though. I love holidays!

News Story about the President & the Homeless Woman

2009-02-11T10:36:00.000-08:00

I'm delighted to find that the story continues! ...

FORT MYERS, Fla. – A woman's hard-luck tale at a town hall meeting in Florida moved President Barack Obama to leave the stage.

When Henrietta Hughes complained she'd been down on her luck and was living in her car with her son, Obama walked to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Hughes said she was out of work and homeless, with "a very small vehicle for my family and I to live in."

A White House press secretary said administration officials asked the local housing authority to contact her after the exchange in Fort Myers.

Meanwhile, the wife of Florida state Rep. Nick Thompson offered to let the woman stay in a house she owns that's vacant about 30 miles away. Chene Thompson isn't sure if Hughes will take her up on the offer.

Couldn't find the Yahoo link to this story when I went back to look, but here's another one that includes the same basic info...

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/theoval/post/2009/02/62687523/1?se=yahoorefer

And here's the link for the video of their interaction... http://www.yahoo.com/s/1029048

Proud of my President

2009-02-10T18:01:00.000-08:00

Amongst the crowd of listeners in Florida today, while Obama was selling the stimulus plan, was a dignified but troubled black woman who took the microphone to tell him through her tears, how much she needs the help he's been describing. In response, his voice cracked or wavered as he told her he wanted to help.

he promised to have his staff talk with her after the town hall meeting was over but reminded her and all of us that there are so many others just like her who need that kind of help.

He, then, walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek.

So that's the kind of president I want! And I feel damn lucky to have him.

He has said that he wakes up in the morning thinking about the help people like her need. I believe him!

Animal Medicine

2009-02-10T16:34:00.003-08:00

In the most recent module of study for my spiritual director training, our focus was inner exploration, with an emphasis on animal medicine and dreamwork. It has been my favorite unit so far and I have fallen in love with animal medicine.

So I was looking around for more info online and came across this fun quiz.

I'm not sure how scientific the results are, but some of them replicated what I've found on my own.

Here are my results...

You Scored as Deer

You are the Deer. You tend to be very gentle with other animals of your domain and are also considered the innocent one, which is a good thing. You tend to be able to perceive more than others, which is a handy skill.

In descending order, the other animals...

Eagle
Bull
Salmon
Dragon
Crow
Fox
Dog
Wolf
Stag
Bear
Horse

"Wade in the Water" Pic for Homeschooling

2009-02-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

It's the middle of my homeschooling day today but I couldn't resist sharing the picture!

We're focusing on art and music today. In fact, he has a homeschooling ballroom dancing class later this afternoon and practice for their recital. But this month, we're studying black history, so we've been taking a look at the Underground Railroad. Earlier this month, we looked at slavery, the Civil War, Harriet Tubman and others.

Today, I asked for a picture of what "Wade in the Water" was all about in connection with that movement.

We're also taking a look at Duke Ellington, Bessie Smith, Marian Anderson and William Grant.

Remembering Heath

2009-01-22T19:25:00.000-08:00

Today is the one-year anniversary of Heath's death. We miss you, Heath!

Brain in a fog
Eyes dry as a desert
Thoughts cluttered like leaves
On the sidewalk
One hour, just one hour
I’ll be okay
Just give me one hour

Body numb
Run down like an old car
28, but I feel 50 some days
One hour, that’s all I need
Silence the thoughts
Sink into the mattress
One hour, that’s all

How much time is there?
Not nearly enough
If only I could
Make it quiet
It’s too bright in here
The light hurts my eyes

I just need time
I’ll close my eyes
Just an hour
That’s all I need
Never enough time. So true.

Never enough time.
Brokeback.
Jake. Michelle. Tildy.
My Tildy. My little girl.
I’ll see you soon

So this is what you think about
When you’re on the edge of--

Wonderful poem by Jack's Key... link to poem

Sweetest Hangover

2009-01-21T16:38:00.000-08:00

"I've got the sweetest hangover
I don't want to get over.
Sweetest hangover.
Love."

I woke up quite tired today despite getting about 7 hours of sleep last night. Now, I did spend the entire day and night watching the entire Obama extravaganza. But I didn't actually stand out there in the cold, or walk for hours just to squeeze into a spot where I could watch it all from a distance. I didn't wander from party to party myself. I just watched it all on TV.

But I'm tired.

I finally figured out that it's cognitive dissonance!

Is this really happening? Is this real?

It was the kind of moment where I wanted to rub my eyes to see if I still saw the same thing afterward. There's a black man getting sworn in.

At one point during it all, I walked over to my balcony window and looked out. Yes, the sky is still blue. The sun is shining. The sky didn't darken because we broke the rule when we put a black guy in the white house. Looks like we're getting away with it?

The president has a little bit of swagger. You know, the way black men sometimes walk when they know who they are and feel pretty good about it. Of course in some neighborhoods, that walk would be exaggerated and might indicate something else entirely.

And last night, at the neighborhood ball, the president was dancing like a black man.

It reminded me of junior high dances at school. We used to call it slow dragging. That may have been regional. But it referred to a sexy kind of slow dance that enabled a fairly intimate connection. If you danced closely enough. Though he didn't hold his wife that closely, the president was dancing exactly that way.

And then later, there was a black man sleeping in the White House. I wonder if any alarms went off.

So, I really did see what I saw, right? You all can verify that for me. It all really happened? People were still talking about it today on TV so I guess it wasn't a dream.

But it sure feels like one.

It's Really Happening: President Barack Obama

2009-01-20T12:25:00.000-08:00

I woke up excited this morning, and must confess that I've been excited all month long but particularly so in the last few days. I bounced out of bed, very uncharacteristic for me, and scurried around getting stuff before everything started so I could be in front of the TV when the big MSNBC coverage began.

Nearly every moment since has been thrilling and/or moving, but there are a few I want to highlight. And I want to say that I have never been more proud of my country!! I've thought of our history of slavery, the Underground Railroad, the Civil War, the Emancipation Proclamation, the absence of 40 acres and a mule for anyone to whom it was promised, lynching, segregation, the right to vote followed by voter suppression, integration, the civil rights movement, Martin Luther King, Jr. and others involved in the journey.

And now, a moment in our history which I can only hope is being observed by a wonderful cloud of witnesses: we get to enjoy our very first African-American president.

When they introduced him, and the crowd went wild, I began to cry and kept saying to myself, "It's really happening! Oh my god, it's really happening!".

When he took the oath, instead of crying again, as I'd expected, I screamed! And so did my son, who then began a series of cartwheels. We both exclaimed as the wording on the screen changed to "President Barack Obama".

I cried when he sat behind the desk and later, got chills and a little teary when they played "Hail to the Chief" as he entered the luncheon.

What a momentous day! So exciting I can hardly stand it!!

(pictures from the AP)

ETA: Here's another blog post that celebrates this historic day and describes it as representative of a spiritual shift in our national consciousness. It also quoted me, so of course, I had to mention it!

Back2Homeschool After the Holidays: Smart Art

2009-01-05T09:58:00.000-08:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

My son and I went back to homeschool this morning!

We had a wonderful holiday season!! We watched Christmas movies, baked cookies and bread and desserts, went to our church's Christmas Cantata, the Christmas party, the Christmas Eve service and several gatherings of the Wednesday Night Supper Club.

On New Year's Day, we ate black-eyed peas and collard greens and watched "A Grandpa for Christmas" with Grandma (my mother) who came over to celebrate with us.

But now, we're back in business :).

And we started with a play my son created called "Smart Art". Take a look and have a listen...

A Christmas Friday Five

2008-12-18T22:39:00.000-08:00

So let's make this easy, if we can: tell us five things you need to accomplish before Christmas Eve...

Well, my Christmas gifts are all wrapped and I am officially on vacation until next year. After tomorrow, my son will be, as well.

We studied different midwinter celebrations and have decided to choose a couple of ways to celebrate the winter solstice, Hanukkah and the 12 days of Christmas. Lots of candle-lighting, some saying of blessings, singing a dreidel song we found online, reading a couple of psalms, singing one verse for each of the 12 days and, of course, watching Christmas movies :).

1) Get my friend Mark's address so I can send him a card (because he sent me one).

2) Record the brief video I will send by email to friends and relatives that will have a link to my family newsletter.

3) Take gifts over to my mom's house for her and my sister and her family and place them under the tree so they will be there already when we come over on Christmas day.

4) Decide exactly what I will make for the family Christmas brunch. So far, I'm thinking apple cinnamon bread.

5) Start celebrating! The winter solstice is this Sunday.

Merry Christmas, everyone!!

What Were You Thinking?

2008-12-18T22:26:00.000-08:00

From an interview with beliefnet.com...

Rick Warren: I’m opposed to having a brother and sister be together and call that marriage. I’m opposed to an older guy marrying a child and calling that a marriage. I’m opposed to one guy having multiple wives and calling that marriage.

Steven Waldman: Do you think, though, that they are equivalent to having gays getting married?

Rick Warren: Oh I do. …

These comparisons really anger me!

I see them as being divisive and offensive and insulting. And if I, personally, were throwing a party to celebrate some momentous occasion in my own life, I would never invite him. I wouldn't want him anywhere near it.

What is our President-Elect thinking?

He said today that he is a "fierce advocate of equality for gay and lesbian Americans". Lovely to hear that from him and how wonderful that he has a reason to say it.

But his choice to have Rick Warren perform the invocation at his inauguration weakens the impact of that statement.

Happy Thanksgiving!: What I'm Grateful For...

2008-11-26T20:17:00.000-08:00

My partner: I'm reminded every day of how deeply I am loved

My family: currently training me to be all that I can be

My healing practice: being able to witness & participate in the healing of my clients

My church: it welcomes me, affirms and strengthens my faith, and moves and inspires me

My friends: I adore them! And cherish the time I spend with them

My faith: it evolves, it grows, it sustains me and it forgives me when I ignore it.

My new president: my son now lives in a world where he can decide he wants to be president when he grows up

We're Going to the White House!

2008-11-26T12:45:00.000-08:00

There are times when President-Elect Obama seems like an Everyman. That's certainly who he's fighting for, who he wants to help (in the pretty little house with the white picket fence on Main Street). But every once in a while, in an interview, or in footage from a rally, he'll say something, something that sounds so normal. Especially African-American normal. That it makes me excited all over again that he won!!!

Look out, we're coming to the White House!

One example was in a rally when he said, "She's talking like she's Annie Oakley!"

In another rally, he said, "How many plumbers you know make $250,000 a year?"

And then, today, he did it again. I saw a couple of clips on the View from their interviews with Barbara Walters, and in one, they were talking about the First Puppy. What kind of dog will it be? Naturally, Barbara suggested they get one like her Cha Cha (short for Cha Cha Cha).

Obama speculated that it would be a "yappy" dog, yapping all over the place and that it seems kind of like a girly dog. Then, he said, gesturing, "we're gonna get a BIG dog...". And there was just something about what he said, the way he said it and the expression on his face that made me say once again, "Oh my god, we're going to the White House!".

Moving on up to the east side. To a deluxe apartment in the sky...

It feels like I'm going, too, in a way. Like there will be someone there I could have seen every couple of years at a family reunion.

It's hard to find the right words to express how wonderful that feels. But it feels pretty darn wonderful, let me tell you!

FL Ban on Gay Adoptions Ruled Unconstitutional

2008-11-26T12:39:00.000-08:00

Posted on Tue, Nov. 25, 2008
Miami Herald

Florida ban on gay adoptions ruled unconstitutional
BY CAROL MARBIN MILLER

Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Cindy Lederman Tuesday declared Florida's 50-year-old ban on gay adoptions unconstitutional -- a ruling state lawyers immediately said they would challenge.

The ruling sets the stage for Frank Gill, a gay man from North Miami, to adopt two foster children he has raised since 2004. In a 53-page ruling, Judge Lederman said, "It is clear that sexual orientation is not a predictor of a person's ability to parent."

Two lawyers from the Florida Attorney General's Office said they would file an appeal Tuesday. ''We respect the court's decision,'' said Assistant Attorney General Valerie Martin. "Based upon the wishes of our client, the Department of Children & Families, we will file an appeal.''

Gill, who is raising the half-brothers, ages 4 and 8, said he was ''elated'' by the ruling and "I cried tears of joy for the first time in my life.''

© 2008 Miami Herald Media Company. All Rights Reserved. http://www.miamiherald.com/

~~found on http://www.megafamilyproject.org/

Letter from Alice Walker to Barack Obama

2008-11-08T07:56:00.000-08:00

To Barack Obama from Alice Walker* *Nov. 5, 2008*

Dear Brother Obama, You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history. But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time, and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done. We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us, the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this, that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength. Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom, stamina and character, is a balm for the weary warriors of hope, previously only sung about.

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate. One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses an d furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

I would further advise you not to take on other people's enemies. Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought, "hate the sin, but love the sinner." There must be no more crushing of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a means of ruling a people's spirit. This has already happened to people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this leads, where it has led.

A good model of how to "work with the enemy" internally is presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded Tibet. Because, finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies, the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies. And your smile, with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our way, and brightening the world. We are the ones we have been waiting for.

In Peace and Joy, Alice Walker

Prop 8 & Other "Gay Couple" Results...

2008-11-05T12:46:00.000-08:00

On the one hand, what a crappy blight on an otherwise wonderful election!

I am sorry for all the people who live in those states and for the rest of us who might wonder what's coming next to our states. But on the other hand, Barack Obama supports gay rights (at least up to and including civil unions) and I can only hope that things will shift during his presidency.

He supports civil unions (as McCain does) but not from the position of someone who is merely tolerant of gay relationships. He approves of them from what I can ascertain. So I am wondering what might be possible with a president who is an ally!

Hoping for positive change...

Barack Obama: First African-American President

2008-11-04T23:04:00.000-08:00

Barack Obama swept to victory as the nation's first black president Tuesday night in an electoral college landslide that overcame racial barriers as old as America itself. "Change has come," he told a jubilant hometown Chicago crowd estimated at nearly a quarter-million people.

Read the article

Whole New World

2008-10-31T18:25:00.000-07:00

Almost 40 years ago, my family and I moved into a suburban neighborhood with lots of other kids who were about my age. We all went to the same elementary school right there in that neighborhood and most of us formed friendships that continued all through high school.

As my friends and I grew up, we talked about leaving town, going to college, making our way in the world. We dreamed of who and what we'd become, sometimes, maybe even frequently, changing our minds. But not one of us, in my little circle of friends, ever said, "When I grow up, i want to be president of the United States."

In our world, we watched as the miniseries "Roots" changed the national conversation and eventually, made us seem less exotic, less strange, to the people who didn't know us.

Some of us, most of us, were alive but very young when Martin Luther King, Jr. was killed. We knew all about him and sang along with Stevie Wonder that there ought to be a day set aside just to celebrate him. And then there was. Martin Luther King Day became a national holiday.

Jesse Jackson decided that he wanted to be president and many of us rolled our eyes. "Keep hope alive, Jesse!" we said.

But now, in just a few short days, if my prayers are answered in the way I would like, the world will change again and my son, who is 7, will live in a world completely different from the one I grew up in. He will live in a world where he can say, "when I grow up, I want to be president of the United States," and instead of laughing, people will take him seriously.

In the past couple of months, I have felt very connected to a group of people all across the country who have voted or will vote on Tuesday. Some of them have never voted before and many of them usually don't vote but will vote this time. I have seen them in my head and felt them in my heart.

I have imagined them registering and making sure that all of their information is a perfect match. I've imagined them preparing to stand in long lines, hoping to participate in creating a miracle.

Hoping to vote not just on the issues they care about, but also hoping to help create a miracle. Hoping to create a change in the world that will make it obvious to their children, their nieces, their nephews and their grandchildren that if they want to, it might just be possible to be president when they grow up.

2008-10-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

We are so excited to celebrate the 2nd Annual "Party with Your Kids" event this year that celebrates entrepreneurship through home-based businesses!

What does "home-based" mean to you? It means more than an office in the spare bedroom or the kitchen table. It means a schedule that allows you rock your child as they sleep, to wipe a tear when a game has gone array, helping your teen through the rollercoaster years or taking an ailing parent to the doctor. It is the empowerment of taking control of your life, of living on your terms and moving from ordinary to extraordinary!The greatest gift we can provide our children is the gift of hope. Hope that dreams do come true, that hard work is rewarded and, yes, they too can have a happy, healthy life.

Our profession is built upon the understanding that it is not only okay to dream, it is encouraged for success!! Each of us in the direct selling profession can serve as the catalyst to build our business into a family business!

From the Party with Your Kids blog at http://partywithyourkids.blogspot.com/

I am not sure how I will use this week to party with my son. I don't intend to take him to the party I have scheduled for next weekend.

But they offer a kit with family activities you can do. So I will go take a look at that.

Obama Bucks

2008-10-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

The latest newsletter by an Inland Republican women's group depicts Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama surrounded by a watermelon, ribs and a bucket of fried chicken, prompting outrage in political circles.

The October newsletter by the Chaffey Community Republican Women, Federated says if Obama is elected his image will appear on food stamps -- instead of dollar bills like other presidents. The statement is followed by an illustration of "Obama Bucks" -- a phony $10 bill featuring Obama's face on a donkey's body, labeled "United States Food Stamps."

taken from http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7480715

National Coming Out Day 2008

2008-10-10T23:10:00.000-07:00

October 11th has been celebrated as National Coming Out Day since 1988.

To celebrate it, people come out to others as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered. According to a post I read on the Gay Christian Network, it began in 1988 as a commemoration of a march on Washington the year before.

So just last night my best friend from college found me on Facebook and I came out to him. Though he responded well, I think that may be enough direct coming out for this year's celebration :).

But I did set my Facebook status to reveal my queerness.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

A "Business Trip" Friday Five...

2008-10-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

From RevGalBlogPals...

So for today's Friday Five, you're invited to share your experiences with the exciting, challenging world of business travel....

1. Does your job ever call for travel? Is this a joy or a burden?

Yes, it does sometimes. Especially for training.

2. How about that of your spouse or partner?

Well, it was a business trip she took that led to our wedding in Toronto, so I doubt either of us has any complaints about that trip :).

3. What was the best business trip you ever took?

The best one I ever took was the one where I first trained for certification as a healing coach-practitioner. I was SO excited to be learning the healing system I knew would completely change my life and that of my family!!

Boy, was I right!

4. ...and the worst, of course?

LOL! I was working as an addictions counselor and was on a training trip to learn how to do acu-detox.

The bad part? I had this weird stomach flu, so I have hazy memories of the actual training and vivid memories of feeling terribly nauseous and being sick quite frequently!

5. What would make your next business trip perfect?

If all my expenses were paid! :)

"That One"

2008-10-08T14:40:00.000-07:00

The following is taken from http://www.thatone08.com/ ...

That One was raised by a single mother and his grandparents. They didn't have much money, but they taught him values from the Kansas heartland where they grew up. He took out loans to put himself through school. After college, he worked for Christian churches in Chicago, helping communities devastated when steel plants closed. That One turned down lucrative job oﬀers after law school to return to Chicago, leading a successful voter registration drive. He joined a small law ﬁrm, taught constitutional law and, guided by his Christian faith, stayed active in his community. That One and his wife Michelle are proud parents of two daughters, Sasha and Malia.

EARLY YEARS

That One was born in Hawaii on August 4th, 1961. His father, That One Sr., was born and raised in a small village in Kenya, where he grew up herding goats with his own father, who was a domestic servant to the British.That One's mother, Ann Dunham, grew up in small-town Kansas. Her father worked on oil rigs during the Depression, and then signed up for World War II after Pearl Harbor, where he marched across Europe in Patton's army. Her mother went to work on a bomber assembly line, and after the war, they studied on the G.I. Bill, bought a house through the Federal Housing Program, and moved west to Hawaii.It was there, at the University of Hawaii, where That One's parents met. His mother was a student there, and his father had won a scholarship that allowed him to leave Kenya and pursue his dreams in America.That One's father eventually returned to Kenya, and That One grew up with his mother in Hawaii, and for a few years in Indonesia. Later, he moved to New York, where he graduated from Columbia University in 1983.

THE COLLEGE YEARS

Remembering the values of empathy and service that his mother taught him, That One put law school and corporate life on hold after college and moved to Chicago in 1985, where he became a community organizer with a church-based group seeking to improve living conditions in poor neighborhoods plagued with crime and high unemployment.The group had some success, but That One had come to realize that in order to truly improve the lives of people in that community and other communities, it would take not just a change at the local level, but a change in our laws and in our politics.He went on to earn his law degree from Harvard in 1991, where he became the first African-American president of the Harvard Law Review. Soon after, he returned to Chicago to practice as a civil rights lawyer and teach constitutional law. Finally, his advocacy work led him to run for the Illinois State Senate, where he served for eight years. In 2004, he became the third African American since Reconstruction to be elected to the U.S. Senate.

POLITICAL CAREER

It has been the rich and varied experiences of That One's life - growing up in different places with people who had differing ideas - that have animated his political journey. Amid the partisanship and bickering of today's public debate, he still believes in the ability to unite people around a politics of purpose - a politics that puts solving the challenges of everyday Americans ahead of partisan calculation and political gain.In the Illinois State Senate, this meant working with both Democrats and Republicans to help working families get ahead by creating programs like the state Earned Income Tax Credit, which in three years provided over $100 million in tax cuts to families across the state. He also pushed through an expansion of early childhood education, and after a number of inmates on death row were found innocent, Senator That One worked with law enforcement officials to require the videotaping of interrogations and confessions in all capital cases.In the U.S. Senate, he has focused on tackling the challenges of a globalized, 21st century world with fresh thinking and a politics that no longer settles for the lowest common denominator. His first law was passed with Republican Tom Coburn, a measure to rebuild trust in government by allowing every American to go online and see how and where every dime of their tax dollars is spent. He has also been the lead voice in championing ethics reform that would root out Jack Abramoff-style corruption in Congress.As a member of the Veterans' Affairs Committee, Senator That One has fought to help Illinois veterans get the disability pay they were promised, while working to prepare the VA for the return of the thousands of veterans who will need care after Iraq and Afghanistan. Recognizing the terrorist threat posed by weapons of mass destruction, he traveled to Russia with Republican Dick Lugar to begin a new generation of non-proliferation efforts designed to find and secure deadly weapons around the world. And knowing the threat we face to our economy and our security from America's addiction to oil, he's working to bring auto companies, unions, farmers, businesses and politicians of both parties together to promote the greater use of alternative fuels and higher fuel standards in our cars.Whether it's the poverty exposed by Katrina, the genocide in Darfur, or the role of faith in our politics, That One continues to speak out on the issues that will define America in the 21st century. But above all his accomplishments and experiences, he is most proud and grateful for his family. His wife, Michelle, and his two daughters, Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7, live on Chicago's South Side.

How Racism Works...

2008-10-07T11:43:00.000-07:00

Not sure who wrote this, it was forwarded to me by email. But I agree...

What do you think people would be thinking and saying if the candidates positions were reversed?

What if John McCain were a former president of the Harvard Law Review?

What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain were still married to the first woman he said "I do" to?

What if Obama were the candidate who left his first wife after she no longer measured up to his standards?

What if Michelle Obama were a wife who not only became addicted to pain killers, but acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?

What if Cindy McCain graduated from Princeton?

What if Obama were a member of the Keating Five? (The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.)

What if McCain were a charismatic, eloquent speaker?

If the candidates positions were reversed like this, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?

This is what racism does.

It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.

PS: What if Barack Obama had an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter?

A Friday Five for Johnny Appleseed Day

2008-09-26T08:48:00.000-07:00

First of all, I had no idea whatsoever that this was Johnny Appleseed Day!

1. What is your favorite apple dish? (BIG BONUS points if you share the recipe.)

My favorite apple dish is apple pie a la mode with whipped cream on top. No recipe to share because I usually go out to eat it.

I think the best piece of apple pie I ever tasted was at Brutti's restaurant in downtown Portsmouth, VA! YUM!!!

2. Have you ever planted a tree? If so was there a special reason or occasion you can tell us about?

I am still having trouble keeping my plant alive (a not-so-hardy mum, thanks to me!) so no tree-planting.

3. Does the idea of roaming around the countryside (preaching or otherwise) appeal to you? Why or why not?

No. The farthest I roam is out to the balcony :). Not really, but I do like to stay home! I put a lot of time and energy into making sure it feels like a warm hug whenever I'm here.

4. Who is a favorite "historical legend" of yours?

I don't think I have one.

5. Johnny Appleseed was said to sing to keep up his spirits as he traveled the roads of the west. Do you have a song that comes when you are trying to be cheerful, or is there something else that you often do?

I love to sing!!! If it's quiet long enough, a radio turns on inside my head and eventually, I'll be singing along.

But if I'm down-in-the-dumps, I'm more likely to turn the TV on and lose myself in a movie, or curl up on the couch and read a book.

A "Welcome to Fall" Friday Five

2008-09-19T07:36:00.000-07:00

As this vivid season begins, tell us five favorite things about fall: I love EVERYTHING about fall!!!

1) A fragrance: I love to get out the fall candles... apple cider, cinnamon stick, spiced pumpkin and more.

2) A color: My favorite colors are orange and brown, and I have already decorated for fall using both of them.

3) An item of clothing: I bought a brown button-down sweater and a brown fleece pullover. I'm not sure which one I'm most excited about wearing. I also plan to get some orange pullovers. Yum! :)

4) An activity: I love to take walks and feel the breezes, commune with the trees, but during the stifling heat of summer, can hardly stand to be outside! Same thing with hanging out on the balcony. So as the temps cool, I am looking forward to both fave activities.

5) A special day: Well, I guess that would be Thanksgiving. Sweet potato casserole, anyone? :)

Wade in the Water

2008-09-14T21:32:00.000-07:00

Wade in the water
Wade in the water, children
Wade in the water
God's gonna trouble the water

Sigh. What an awesome, super-duper fantastic service we had today!

The themes were sacred circle, water and inclusion.

My cutie-patootie son joined the other Creative Kids to sing the introit.

There was a baby baptism and a memory jogger for the grown-ups. While we sang "Wade in the Water", there was a "remembering your baptism" experience. Our pastor and other ministers dipped feathers into water and reminded us of God's love, and grace, and forgiveness.

The sermon was about letting go of the past.

He talked about forgiveness and said...

1) Refusing to forgive is like taking poison and hoping someone else dies. I'd heard that before, but what a powerful reminder!

2) It's not the offense you forgive, it's the person! Well... I'd never quite thought of it that way before.

After the sermon, and before we actually sang the song ourselves, liturgical dancers waded into my soul with a very funky version of the song.

I loved the whole service today and even though I am feeling just a wee bit under the weather, I am so glad I went!

Back-to-School Friday Five

2008-09-12T00:22:00.000-07:00

It's time for a Back-To-School Friday Five!

1. Is anyone going back to school, as a student or teacher, at your house? How's it going so far?

Since I am homeschooling my son, I would say we both are back in school! It's going okay, but we are both still getting adjusted to the early hours. There have been more than a few naps, for both of us, in the past couple of weeks.

2. Were you glad or sad when back-to-school time came as a kid?

I was always really excited! Couldn't sleep.

3. Did your family of origin have any rituals to mark this time of year? How about now?

Well, before school started again, sometime in August, we'd go to the mall for new clothes. That was always fun!!

I think the big thing for my son and I is taking a "back to homeschool" picture on our first day of school.

4. Favorite memories of back-to-school outfits, lunchboxes, etc?

Can't remember the lunchboxes, but I do remember a "first-day" outfit or two! Those were fun.

5. What was your best year of school?

I think my best year was my first year of college. I fell in love with all my new friends, loved being away from home, and began to enjoy thinking and learning and being smart in a way I hadn't before.

Friday Five: Being Vulnerable

2008-09-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

So I bring you this weeks Friday 5:

1. Is vulnerability something that comes easily to you, or are you a private person?

I am pretty open and honest. Authenticity is very important to me! But I have to admit, I don't like to cry in public. I end up doing it anyway, but I usually fight it at first.

2.How important is it to keep up a professional persona in work/ ministry?

In my work as a healing practitioner, I have found that it works better when I am real, down-to-earth, accessible and connected.

3. Masks, a form of self protection discuss...

I was taught to hide as a child. Remember that commercial, "never let 'em see you sweat"? I used to tease my mom that that was written about her. She seemed to equate vulnerability with weakness so eventually, I got good at hiding my feelings, even from myself. People would comment on how peaceful I always seemed.

I'd tell them I felt anxious or upset, etc., and even those closest to me would say that they had no idea. When I was in grad school for counseling, I realized that that couldn't be healthy and decided to work on it.

Now, people tell me that what I am feeling shows on my face whether I say it or not! Mission accomplished.

4. Who knows you warts and all?

My wife. God. Me.

And one of my friends from church, I think. He apparently has taken things I have said, remembered them, mixed them all together, and come up with things I didn't say but that are nonetheless true. He surprises me regularly with that ability.

5. Share a book, a prayer, a piece of music, a poem or a person that touches the deep place in your soul, and calls you to be who you are most authentically.

There have been many books, songs, and people who have done this and I am grateful for them all!

Lately, or most recently, I have been reading Nepo's the Book of Awakening, which helps connect me to myself.

6. I thought of another bonus question: if there was a quality you wished to show to the world, that you don't think you have, what would it be?

For me, I think it's a kind of fearlessness when I am interacting with others. Think Sophia (from the Golden Girls) with wisdom.

I am an introvert who thinks before she speaks. And I am quite self-conscious at times. If I'm nervous, I will even stumble a bit over what I am trying to say.

So, at most, I can only resemble this quality. When I am at my best.

The Secret Life of the American Teenager

2008-09-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

I'm no stranger to teenage angst, or maybe I should say, to the memory of it. So I am sometimes a sucker for teen drama on TV. Dawson's Creek, Gilmore Girls, 7th Heaven...

And once again, I am completely in love!

The Secret Life of the American Teenager is exquisitely well-written. I've adored it almost from the very first episode. And hey, it's timely! It's about teenage pregnancy!!

If you are reading this, and you've never seen it, ABC Family is going to have a marathon of all the previous episodes on Monday beginning at 6pm. Then, the show's season finale will air on Tuesday night. I can't wait to see what happens!

Back 2 Homeschool

2008-09-02T11:05:00.000-07:00

Early this morning, in pjs and robe, my son and I went back to homeschool. He was very excited to be a second-grader! And I was excited about the school year ahead. In addition to the regulars, he and I have plans for some great explorations...

yoga for kids

eco-spirituality

conversational Spanish

ballroom dancing

science club

cooking

etc.

Today, we focused on reading, art, cooking and a little about the presidential election. I've shared a little of his artwork.

We had a great day!

Broccoli Cheese Casserole

2008-08-31T11:58:00.000-07:00

I tried one the other day. It was okay, but I doubt I put in enough cheese.

I was following the recipe from last Sunday's Big Daddy's House, which seemed really simple, except he used chunky cheese and I had the shredded kind. But today, I had it again, finishing up the leftovers.

I put it in a saute pan and covered it with cheese and let it melt. Then, I added a little butter on top and that fixed it right up. So next time, I might put butter in the pan when I cook the broccoli and I will definitely add more cheese.

Second time around: yummy!

Excited About Obama!

2008-08-29T12:10:00.000-07:00

This has been the most exciting Democratic National Convention I've witnessed since the Clintons were running!! The speeches have been spellbinding. Hillary and Obama both hit a home run as far as I'm concerned.

"With profound gratitude and great humility, I accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States."

When he uttered that acceptance, making history I didn't think I'd see in my lifetime, I burst into tears!

Other favorite quotes...

Eight is enough...

Tonight, I say to the American people, to Democrats and Republicans and Independents across this great land - enough! This moment - this election - is our chance to keep, in the 21st century, the American promise alive. Because next week, in Minnesota, the same party that brought you two terms of George Bush and Dick Cheney will ask this country for a third. And we are here because we love this country too much to let the next four years look like the last eight. On November 4th, we must stand up and say: "Eight is enough."

10% chance on change...

But the record's clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush ninety percent of the time. Senator McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush has been right more than ninety percent of the time? I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to take a ten percent chance on change.

He just doesn't get it...

Now, I don't believe that Senator McCain doesn't care what's going on in the lives of Americans. I just think he doesn't know. Why else would he define middle-class as someone making under five million dollars a year? How else could he propose hundreds of billions in tax breaks for big corporations and oil companies but not one penny of tax relief to more than one hundred million Americans? How else could he offer a health care plan that would actually tax people's benefits, or an education plan that would do nothing to help families pay for college, or a plan that would privatize Social Security and gamble your retirement?

It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.

What is that promise?

It's a promise that says each of us has the freedom to make of our own lives what we will, but that we also have the obligation to treat each other with dignity and respect.

It's a promise that says the market should reward drive and innovation and generate growth, but that businesses should live up to their responsibilities to create American jobs, look out for American workers, and play by the rules of the road.

Ours is a promise that says government cannot solve all our problems, but what it should do is that which we cannot do for ourselves - protect us from harm and provide every child a decent education; keep our water clean and our toys safe; invest in new schools and new roads and new science and technology.

Our government should work for us, not against us. It should help us, not hurt us. It should ensure opportunity not just for those with the most money and influence, but for every American who's willing to work.

That's the promise of America - the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation; the fundamental belief that I am my brother's keeper; I am my sister's keeper.

That's the promise we need to keep. That's the change we need right now.

bin Laden...

John McCain likes to say that he'll follow bin Laden to the Gates of Hell - but he won't even go to the cave where he lives.

We all put our country first!

But what I will not do is suggest that the Senator takes his positions for political purposes. Because one of the things that we have to change in our politics is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other's character and patriotism.

The times are too serious, the stakes are too high for this same partisan playbook. So let us agree that patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain.

The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and Independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America - they have served the United States of America.

So I've got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first.

I get it...

I get it. I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don't fit the typical pedigree, and I haven't spent my career in the halls of Washington.

But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the nay-sayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's been about you.

"No turning back, no turning back"

America, we cannot turn back. Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for. Not with an economy to fix and cities to rebuild and farms to save. Not with so many families to protect and so many lives to mend. America, we cannot turn back. We cannot walk alone. At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future. Let us keep that promise - that American promise - and in the words of Scripture hold firmly, without wavering, to the hope that we confess.

The American Promise

Celebration of Cooking

2008-08-24T13:28:00.000-07:00

My sweetie left very early this morning. Not much that's exciting about that! We've agreed to plan our next visit within the next 2 weeks, so we'll have something to look forward to and soon.

But I did console myself just now with a bacon and cheese dip I made myself! It was YUMMY!!

So I thought it might be fun to make a list of all the yummy things I've made since the Great Cooking Experiment began :) ...

spaghetti
mediterranean herb foccacia bread
apple spice cake
almond pound cake w/ strawberries & whipped cream
almond pound cake with pineapples & whipped cream
basil pesto spaghetti
basil pesto dip
cheese sauce (for pasta)
bacon and cheese dip
Parmesan bread
green beans with garlic & onion seasoning
brown rice with garlic & onion seasoning
mashed potatoes with bacon and garlic seasoning
garlic bread

And probably a few more that I haven't thought of that I just tried on the spur of the moment.

Many of these cooking successes were made with seasonings, mixes or recipes from Tastefully Simple. My consultant has been a very encouraging cooking coach.

I even bought a cooking set from Martha Stewart (on sale) which I have totally fallen in love with and use almost every day! They clean up do easily!!

I think, looking ahead, that I'd like to experiment with rice dishes, more pasta & cheese recipes, sandwiches, breads and desserts. My son and I are trying to move toward more vegetarian living, but we haven't gotten there yet. Meanwhile, I'm trying to focus more on meatless recipes.

It's much more fun than I thought it would be but that's because of all the things I discovered that have made it easier!

BTW, I made dinner for my sweetie the other night and she loved it!! I call it the night I conquered the cheese sauce.

And cooking with her this week was a blast, as well. I also like cooking with my son.

I'd say the Great Cooking Experiment is going well!

Wednesday Night Supper

2008-08-20T20:12:00.000-07:00

My sweetie is visiting this week and tonight was my turn to host dinner for the gang from church. Since our church's Wed. night supper is on vacation for the summer, a group of us (all gay) decided to keep it going by getting together 3 Weds. each month at suppertime.

We do a movie night, a dinner night and an activity night.

Well, my sweetie and I spent the day preparing to host the dinner night tonight and we had a wonderful time, both during the preparation and during the dinner itself!!

Some of you may know that I am kind of a beginning cook, so we tried to keep it somewhat simple: spaghetti with homemade Parmesan bread, an arugula salad and a pound cake.

It was a rousing success!!!

If you are willing to overlook a few things :).

We were making so many things at once that we forgot to stir the spaghetti. The bread stuck to the stoneware loaf pan, so we lost its bottom. We didn't have as many strawberries as we'd thought, so we couldn't make the creative strawberry shortcake we'd planned to make. Instead, we decided we'd put a dollop of whipped cream on each slice and put half a strawberry in the middle as garnish.

Turned out we didn't have to do that because (we'd forgotten) it was the birthday of one of the ladies there and someone brought a birthday cake!

The spaghetti tasted great, as did the bread and the salad.

It was a great meal and the company was wonderful!

Obama Responds to Family Equality Council

2008-08-06T15:57:00.000-07:00

Sen. Obama Responds to Jennifer Chrisler’s Questions on Family Policy
Dustin on Aug 5th 2008

Just three weeks ago, presidential hopeful Sen. John McCain said in a NYTimes interview that he does not “believe in gay adoption.” The Family Equality Council immediately responded, issuing a statement questioning McCain’s grasp on the reality of American families.

A great deal of press ensued, including this AP article that generated interest in the issue nationwide. Even though our efforts to raise the visibility of McCain’s divisive statement resulted in increased attention to LGBT family issues, we didn’t think that a press statement went far enough.

On Wednesday, July 23 Jennifer Chrisler, Executive Director of Family Equality Council, issued identical letters to Sens. McCain and Obama, outlining the vast array of family types in this country and asking both candidates to explain how their administrations would work to recognize, respect, protect and celebrate all loving families in the US. One week later, Sen.

Obama issued the following statement in response to Jennifer:

Dear Jennifer,

While we live in a nation that is enriched by a vast array of diverse traditions, cultures and histories, it is our commonality that most defines us. The desire to build a life with a loved one, to provide for a family and to have children who will grow and thrive — these are desires that all people share, regardless of race, sex, religion, sexual orientation or gender identity. My own experience has taught me this lesson well.

I was born to a single mother, my devoted grandparents helped raise me, and then I married the woman of my dreams and had two beautiful daughters. The love that has blessed each of those households has been strong and sure, and I know that millions of families across this nation share the same blessings.

We know that the cost of the American dream must never come at the expense of the American family. For decades we’ve had politicians in Washington who talk about family values, but we haven’t had policies that value families. Instead, it’s harder for working parents to make a living while raising their kids. It’s even harder to get a break.

That’s why I’ll double spending on quality after-school programs - so that you can know your kids are safe and secure. And that’s why I’ll expand the Family Medical Leave Act to include more businesses and millions more workers; to let parents participate in school activities with their kids; and to cover elderly care. And we’ll finally put federal support behind state efforts to provide paid family and medical leave. We’ll require employers to provide seven paid sick days each year. We’ll enforce laws that prohibit caregiver discrimination. And we’ll encourage flexible work schedules to better balance work and parenting for mothers and fathers. That’s the change that working families need.

But we also have to do more to support and strengthen LGBT families. Because equality in relationship, family, and adoption rights is not some abstract principle; it’s about whether millions of LGBT Americans can finally live lives marked by dignity and freedom. That’s why we have to repeal laws like the Defense of Marriage Act. That’s why we have to eliminate discrimination against LGBT families. And that’s why we have to extend equal treatment in our family and adoption laws.

I’ll be a president that stands up for American families – all of them.

Sincerely,
Barack Obama

The Family Equality Council applauds Sen. Obama for his timely and thoughtful response to serious questions that define the health and safety of millions of American families. As of today, we have heard nothing in return from Sen. McCain.

Stuck in Sinsinawa

2008-08-04T17:26:00.000-07:00

It's almost always my intention to be as positive as I can. Our thoughts have power and thinking good thoughts just feels better than thinking negative ones!

And I have truly had a wonderful weekend!!It was my second training retreat weekend and I adored almost every moment of it. But the experience was not completely without stress and I think I need to share some of it one way or another. Since I have had very poor cell phone reception here, I am going to write about it.

First of all, I am stuck because of weather conditions between where I am now and home. I was rather pleased with myself this time around because I'd planned my flights so that I was only away from my son for 3 days. On day 4, I'd be on my way home and would get to see him right before he went to bed. But that won't happen because I will be here tonight, instead, hoping to take flight in the morning, after which I will be hanging out in several airports, waiting for time to pass until each upcoming flight, getting home~~if I'm lucky~~more than 12 hours after the journey begins!! Thank goodness I have a couple of books to read.

Another complaint: it seems that summer, with pollen blowing like dust in the wind, has just come to Sinsinawa and I have been coughing since I got here, rasping my way through conversations and singing and generally, annoying even myself with all that hacking.

One more: in my room, there is an undiscovered hole in the screen. Can you say gnats everywhere!

Okay, I'm done!

What was wonderful about the weekend was spending time with all these wonderful women who are sharing the training experience with me. AND everything we learned this weekend as we started our new module. There seemed to be two themes: eco spirituality (one word? two?) and the use of movement for prayer or worship or blessings.

The presentation we saw on how the world came into being was absolutely awesome!! It was very moving.

So, great weekend all things considered! :)

The Winner Takes It All...

2008-07-23T19:52:00.000-07:00

All summer a group of us from my church have been getting together on Wednesday nights to replace our church's Wednesday night supper which is taking a summer break. We meet 3 times a month and we take turns going to see a movie, eating dinner at someone's house and doing an activity.

Tonight was activity night and it was my turn to host. I picked Mamma Mia because we've missed the last couple of movie nights, I wanted to see it and it was the closest I could come to getting the gang to try karaoke!

So...when I first found out about Mamma Mia, I knew immediately I wanted to see it because I love ABBA. I knew it would be fun!!!

I didn't know it would make me cry!

I teared up a little when Meryl sang about letting go of her daughter. I can already anticipate the pain of watching my son go out into the world away from Mommy.

But the real tearjerker was Meryl's take on The Winner Takes It All!! She told such a story of loss and pain that I couldn't take it. There are a few of us who can be counted on to cry in any situation that is somewhat emotional and thank god, I was sitting next to one of them!

I'm wondering now, though, if I can expect to cry at every movie from now on?

I mean, really! I sat there, bemused, thinking "I'm crying during Mamma Mia!"

Nonetheless, I had a blast! It was campy, it was goofy, it was fun. No voice lessons for Pierce? That's okay~~I just laughed even harder!

Yikes! Houston, We Might Have a Problem...

2008-07-08T12:07:00.000-07:00

I have to read 5 books, listen to 2 podcasts and a CD, and read several articles by the end of this month!!!!!

Why did I wait? What was I thinking???

I am totally overwhelmed!

Nonetheless, I shall prevail. I know not how...

Show Me Your Way: The Complete Guide to Exploring Interfaith Spiritual Direction

The Sacred Art of Listening: Forty Reflections for Cultivating a Spiritual Practice

Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have

New and Selected Poems

Zero Church

A "Happy Family" Picture

2008-07-07T18:57:00.000-07:00

I was glancing through Real Simple magazine yesterday in the grocery store, looking for really simple recipes while I'm on this cooking kick. And I saw an article about military families and how one military wife handles the long separations from her husband.

Since I am in a long-distance marriage at the moment, I gave it a quick look-see to find out if it would be helpful.

One idea I noticed was to find the happiest recent family picture she could and place a copy of it in every room of the house. What an awesome idea!!

I think I will adapt it. I like the idea of having a family picture or couple of some kind in every room, but not necessarily the same picture.

Great idea, though!

Inspiring Story

2008-07-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

My pastor told this story today as part of his sermon. I love it! ...

There was a family with a three-year-old daughter, first-born, whose mommy was pregnant. And she was excited about having a little brother or sister. After the baby was born, she was thrilled to have this new baby in the house.

One day, less than a week after the baby was born, the little girl told her parents that she needed to be alone with the baby and that the door needed to be closed. The parents were a little concerned about it. They knew she was a good girl but they also knew about sibling rivalry and just weren't sure why she would need so much privacy.

But they remembered that they had had an intercom system installed and decided they would let her go into the room but would immediately turn on the intercom in a room nearby and listen to what was happening. So she went into the room and closed the door and they went straight to the intercom.

They heard her little feet as she walked across the room toward the baby. Then the sound of her feet stopped and they waited to hear what would happen next. What thehy heard next was what the little girl said to the baby.

Which was this ... "Tell me about God. I'm starting to forget!"

A 4th of July Friday Five...

2008-07-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

From Sally, RevGalBlogPals...

From my short stay in Texas my memories of the celebrations are of fireworks and picnics, one year we went in to central Houston to watch the fireworks and hear the Symphony Orchestra play, we were welcomed and included, and that meant a lot!

So lets have a bit of fun:

1. Barbeque's or picnics ( or are they essentially the same thing?)

Barbecues! And by that I mean, someone cooks it on the grill, but I eat it inside in front of the TV.

2. The park/ the lake/ the beach or staying at home simply being?

Staying at home or hanging out with friends or family.

3. Fireworks- love 'em or hate 'em?

Used to love them, now not so much. I could be happy never seeing them again.

4. Parades- have you ever taken part- share a memory...

When I was a kid, I went to all the parades. And that's another thing I've had enough of to last a lifetime.

I think my favorite memory about childhood parades were the really fancy ones on TV with blown-up, singing and dancing representations of my favorite idolized TV show characters.

5. Time for a musical interlude- if you could sum up holidays in a piece of music what would it be?

I've been hearing two songs in my head, and occasionally on the radio, for the past several days...

One is "Coming to America" by Neil Diamond.

The other is "Proud to Be An American" by Lee Greenwood.

A Summer Reading Friday Five

2008-06-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

This week, a Summer Reading Friday Five, from RevGalBlogPals...

1) Do you think of summer as a particularly good season for reading? Why or why not?

I think the entire year is good for reading, but I tend to read more whenever there's a holiday. So summer often leads to lighter schedules, more free time, more reading.

2) Have you ever fallen asleep reading on the beach?

No, I'm more likely to fall asleep if I'm not reading.

3) Can you recall a favorite childhood book read in the summertime?

I read so many that none in particular come to mind.

4) Do you have a favorite genre for light or relaxing reading?

Romance novels, in general, but throw in time travel or some kind of magic and I'm particularly thrilled.

5) What is the next book on your reading list?

Return to Summerhouse, the sequel to the one I just finished by Jude Deveraux. I think it comes out this summer! It's so interesting that this topic came up because I just created a post about the other book and the opportunity to go back in time.

Tuesday Two: Turning Back Time

2008-06-24T13:44:00.000-07:00

I'm reading a novel right now by Jude Devereaux, almost finished, about three women who meet someone who offers them the chance to go back in time for 3 weeks, knowing everything they know now, and when they come back, they can keep the new life or go back to the old one and can remember those three weeks or choose to forget them. I find the concept utterly fascinating and decided I'd use it for today's Tuesday Two...

(1) If you were given that opportunity, what situation in your life would you go back to and what would you hope to change?

(2) Afterward, do you think you'd keep the new life those changes would have created?

~~~~~~~~~~

Here are my answers...

(1) I'm having trouble deciding, and BTW, would have to be assured that I would still have the family (wife and kids) I have now...

~~Should I go back and buy that house that had the deep garden tub and the lake view?
~~I could decide not to go out with my son's father. But if I did, then, how would my son come to me?
~~Should I go back to the time my family and I were in therapy when I was 9 or 10 and make sure I tell them that I was being abused?
~~What if I went back to the time my supervisor offered to finish the revisions on my master's thesis for me and let her do it?
~~Should I undo a relationship decision I made in my 20s?
~~Maybe I could go back to my adolescence and come out to myself and others?
~~What if I hadn't put my son's father's name on the birth certificate? Would I be living in Canada right now?
~~I could go back and change my major to creative writing or something similar.

I think I'd change my major or come out to myself sooner...

(2) Yes, I would keep the new life but with full memory of the life I'd had before.

Word Association Friday Five

2008-06-20T16:47:00.000-07:00

Below you will find five words or phrases. Tell us the first thing you think of on reading each one. Your response might be simply another word, or it might be a sentence, a poem, a memory, a recipe, or a story. You get the idea:

1. rooftop: The very sexy Marilyn Monroe

2. gritty: "Living just enough, just enough for the city!" Stevie Wonder

3. hot town (yeah, I know, it's two words): "Summer in the city..." :)

4. night: My son is on a trip with Grandma, and this word make me debate with myself which is longer to get through while missing him, the day or the night.

5. dance: An image~~I picture myself dancing. Maybe to "Play that Funky Music" or "Boogie Shoes". But that song reminds me of car dancing, which reminds me of a Barry White song and the group from Ally McBeal dancing to it.

I can hear him now ... "We got it together, baby!..."

My bonus question: what word is likely to make you feel good whenever you hear it? Kissing!

What Same-Sex Couples Can Teach Us About Marriage

2008-06-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

"A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.

The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved. "

Here's the article!

Celebrating My Birthday

2008-06-16T11:50:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday!

But I got two of my best presents last night. My beloved sent me an e-card and posted in the online gay Christian community we belong to, creating a birthday thread for me. And sent me an email this morning wishing me a happy birthday. It meant so much to me that she did all that because I know how tired she is with her job! And it helped make it a little easier to be here today while she's there.

My other gift last night was the moon!

I don't think I've ever seen it look so beautiful!! It had a wonderful halo/aura around it. I find the moon very comforting and soothing, and it was the last thing I saw before I got into bed. It was easier to believe that everything's going to work out the way it should, that God's got it covered.

And also, today's wonderfulness is that I have been showered with love!

So many good wishes today.

And tonight, I get to eat at Olive Garden! :)

School's Out for Summer! (Part 2)

2008-06-13T16:32:00.000-07:00

We finished wrapping up everything we needed to this week, so our homeschooling is complete for the year! (YAY!!)

So I found this video for my son so we could celebrate.

A Beachin' Friday Five

2008-06-12T23:03:00.000-07:00

From Mother Laura, at RevGalBlogPals...

So in honor of summer, please share your own beachy memories, plans, and dreams with a "Beach Trip" Friday Five.

1. Ocean rocks, lake limps? Vice versa? Or "it's all beautiful in its own way"?

I love both! It's all beautiful.

2. Year round beach living: Heaven...or the Other Place?

Oh, I would love to live on the water year-round. A house on the beach or the lake would be heaven! That's my dream.

3. Any beach plans for this summer?

I don't think so. My wife and I have thought about going to Myrtle Beach in August, but I don't think we actually will.

4. Best beach memory ever?

I've had so many wonderful beach memories, I can't pick just one. I was just remembering as many as I could, sifting through them for the one that was most special, but they were all special.

My trip with my wife to Myrtle Beach a couple of years ago (we weren't married yet) might be my best beach memory, but that one doesn't involve the actual beach. We spent all our time at Broadway at the Beach.

5. Fantasy beach trip?

Renting a beach cottage for a week or two with my wife and kids. We'd like to go to Basin Harbor Club in Vermont sometime, but there are other places we'd like to go, as well.

Bonus: Share a piece of music/poetry/film/book that expresses something about what the beach means to you.

I love to read novels that are set on the beach or at a lake! It makes the beach one of the characters.

I actually just finished writing a story with the beach as backdrop (I write in the BBM fandom). It made it more fun to write because I got to smell the salty air, feel the caress of the ocean breezes and gaze out at the ocean, listening to the waves, right along with my characters.

"School's Out for Summer!"

2008-06-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, well, it's not quite...

But we are finishing up this week, so I hope to be singing that line at the end of the day tomorrow! For the past few years, I have ended the year with a book full of core knowledge info for his grade to make sure we've covered most of what's essential during the year. But I think next year, I may begin with that book, so I can avoid the year-end anxiety about finishing.

I'm very proud of my son, though, and must take a moment to brag!

In part because of what happened to his "best friend" (he has several), Tristan, and partly because of other things that came up in the past few weeks, we are a little bit behind. So I told my son we might need to add on a week or so past what the public school kids are doing. Well, he would not have it and was determined to finish on time, even if it meant some intense catching up.

Well, this morning, he got up early, grabbed the book and read for two hours before taking a break and has been very enthusiastic about continuing with me once I was ready to join him!

And he plowed through a lot of material!!

Of course, we will review some of it again, to make sure he actually ingested it, but his effort and his reading ability really impressed me.

I think we just might finish on schedule!

Saying Goodbye...

2008-06-08T16:21:00.000-07:00

I've just come back from the crying extravaganza~~I mean, Tristan's funeral!

One more time for crying so hard it made my lips quiver and my face do funny things and my breath hitch. In fact, I experienced all the different levels of crying~~ tears that seem to come from nowhere, sliding suddenly down my face. The sudden scrunchy-face crying as it hits you again. The sniffly crying that can co-exist with laughter and fond memories. Etc.

It was a wonderful service!

There were bright colors, a puppet song, knock-knock jokes, affectionate and funny stories about Tristan, a performance by the kids of a song from Christmas that Tristan loved. It was hard to watch that because I kept thinking about where he would have stood.

I had deliberately chosen to sit by my favorite church friends, at the end of the row near the two who I could count on to cry, too. One of them hugged me at the end right after the procession, and we both stood there and cried. It helped!

I love my church!

Jonathan was sad after the service, but didn't want to talk to me about it. He kept saying he wanted to be alone, and sat by himself for a bit on the bench outside where we were all kinda hanging out as the limos filled. And one by one, people went over to him to check on him and ask if he was okay. Several "grown-ups" talked to him, and he later told me it helped.

I am glad they were there for him.

Well, I feel drained. I'd like to say more but I think I'm done. At least, for now...

Tristan, thank you for being kind to my son! I hope you are singing your heart out right now or laughing at a joke God made up just for you.

Losing a Friend, Remembering Tristan

2008-06-05T17:52:00.000-07:00

We found out yesterday morning that one of the boys in the youth choir, my son's joke partner during their talent show, was killed night before last while crossing a very busy street.

"He was my best friend!" my son told me while he was crying in response to the news.

Tristan was a student at White Bluff Elementary School. His principal treasures the last picture of taken of Tristan, it was last week at a school assembly. He was singing his heart out, something his youth pastor says he loved to do. "He may be off key a couple of times, but he wanted you to know he was singing, he loved to sing," said Joe Driggers of the Asbury Memorial United Methodist Church.

http://www.wtoctv.com/Global/story.asp?S=8432512&nav=0qq6

My son told me he'd had a bad feeling that something was going to happen to him and that made it even more horrifying. And truth be told, I'd had a sense of foreboding myself, but it was formless. I didn't know what it meant. Jonathan said he knew he was going to die!

Last night, we went to church and along with a few of the other kids, met with the pastor, the youth minister and a school counselor who is a church member and she helped the kids talk about it. They also made cards for the family.

We don't know yet when the funeral will be but I plan for us to go so that, along with the other kids, Jonathan can say goodbye.

Liberal/Progressive Christianity

2008-06-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

From an article I found on progressive Christianity...

While liberal Christians share a similar faith language with conservative / evangelical / orthodox Christians, many times we have different meanings attached to those words and offer a different vision of the faith than some people might realize. Unfortunately there is no cut and dried test per se that will land a believer firmly in the liberal camp. Many of them are evangelical and /or still draw strongly from the Orthodox traditions. However for the sake of identification the following will give some illumination as to the general beliefs of many (but not all) liberal, progressive and postmodern Christians:

1) We are willing to be open to all the possibilities of who Jesus was said to be, and focus more on His life than His death. We may question His divinity, believe in the Trinity, or be Unitarian.

2) We believe that the Bible contains truth but is not always literal. We believe that it is a map and not the final destination of our journey.

3) We believe other faiths contain truths as well.

4) We believe that asking questions is okay, and that there is rarely such a thing as a single black and white answer to those questions.

5) We are seeking closeness to God, not points for following certain rules which will buy our way into heaven. We take Jesus' admonitions to the Pharisees to heart and focus on the grace and compassion of God.

6) We welcome other seekers regardless of who they are as God wants us to include people rather than exclude them.

7) Many of us believe in universal salvation.

Link to the article

This article has the best collection of the things I have come to believe in the past few years that I have come across, so far. I was so happy with it, I had to share!

Celebrating My Gay-Friendly Church

2008-06-02T09:26:00.000-07:00

As the date rolled around for this year's Blogging for LGBT Families, I sort of went blank at first about what to write! Since I am part of a lesbian family, and I frequently write about it, I wasn't sure how to make this particular blogging day special.

But then I decided to write about my church.

I found this church about 2 1/2 years ago, a few months after I had come out to myself (yes, I am quite the late bloomer!). At the time, I had been attending a charismatic church. For two reasons. I loved the worship, and was quite smitten with my friend, who attended regularly. She was unaware of this second motivation for my attendance.

Anyway, I soon realized that I would not be able to continue going to this church and decided to look for one that would be gay-friendly.

When I did, I found a list of churches and decided that the church I am now a member of would be the first I'd visit.

I have been attending ever since!

My church is about 50% gay and we are everywhere there. Directing the choir, singing in the choir, making the announcements, greeting at the door, offering communion, etc. And these may not seem like such a big deal, unless you are used to churches where that would not be the case.

My church has many married or partnered LGBT couples and several LGBT families, mine among them.

When my partner and I got married in Toronto, I did not change my name legally. But I have been using her name and my church made me a new nametag, changed my name on the address for the monthly church newsletter and congratulated me on my marriage!

Several times a year, the church holds new membership classes and after each class, the new members are introduced to the church. I amuse and delight myself each time by picking out the LGBT people and usually, they make up about half the class.

I remember the first time I saw an infant baptism where both the parents were daddies! In fact, I think it was right after that that I decided to complete the next new member class myself.

Is my church perfect? Oh no!

You might be surprised when I tell you that it is a United Methodist church. At the recent general conference, they just voted again not to ordain "practicing homosexuals" and even voted to allow pastors the freedom to decide whether or not to grant membership to LGBT people in their individual churches. Though my pastor has baptised children of LGBT parents, he could never marry them, even in a state where marriage was legal.

So are there still changes I'd like to see, even in my beloved church? Absolutely!

But I'll be there until they happen. It's the best church I've ever belonged to and some of my very best friends are there!

Sex and the City

2008-06-01T19:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I went to see the movie with my favorite friends from church and I thoroughly enjoyed it!!

I don't want to give anything away to those who haven't seen it, but I do want to say that at one point in the movie, I burst into tears! And I mean hard crying, the kind where you sniffle and both lips are quivering and even if you bite them, it's hard to stop.

Though there also was a lot to laugh about, the movie had a powerful underlying message!

Without explaining what I mean by this, I will say that this song came to mind...

I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

Don Henley

This movie made me feel good about having my wonderful friends and grateful to have found the love of my life and to be happily married!

If you are or have ever been a fan of the TV show, GO SEE IT!

Fabulous 5 Meme

2008-05-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

I picked up this Fabulous 5 Meme from the Swandive...

What were you doing five years ago?

1) I was working part-time at Michael's as a scrapbooking instructor
2) I had just moved into a Victorian duplex a few months before
3) I didn't know yet (consciously) that I was gay
4) I had been working as a healer for about a year but hardly had any clients
5) Except for occasional visits to my mom's church, I wasn't really going to church
6) I was addicted to Dawson's Creek & Ally McBeal

What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)?

1) Start a blog for people trying to create or build a work-from-home business
2) Talk to Shelly
3) Read the chapter of Spiritual Direction to prepare for tomorrow's Sunday School class
4) Read part or all of the Cottage Style magazine I brought home from the store
5) Work on renovating the website for my healing practice ~~ gotta add the LofA group I want to start

What are five snacks you enjoy?

1) Cookies
2) Grapes
3) Fruit Cups
4) Chips
5) Popcorn

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire(not in any particular order)?

1) Buy some stuff: a log cabin on a lake, a new car, some clothes & jewelry
2) Renovate my mom's house
3) Create a nonprofit healing ministry so I could offer healing free or on a sliding scale
4) Create an intentional community
5) Invest

What are five of your bad habits?

1) Eating comfort food
2) Drinking sweet tea (cups of caffeine, basically)
3) Staying up too late
4) Not getting enough exercise
5) Swearing

What are five places where you have lived?

1) Jefferson City, Missouri
2) Lookout Mtn., TN
3) Virginia Beach, VA
4) Chesapeake, VA
5) Georgia

What are five jobs you've had?

1) 2nd Assistant Manager at Yankee Candle
2) Scrapbooking Instructor at Michael's
3) Family Counselor for an inpatient chemical dependency unit
4) Addictions Counselor for an outpatient substance abuse treatment center
5) Healing Coach-Practitioner

If you can read this, you are officially tagged.

Bedtime Moment to Remember

2008-05-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

Just had a sweet moment with my son and wanted to be sure not to forget it!

We were saying goodnight and I said, "I love you!" and he said, "love you more!". I argued that that was not true, and he said, "the one who hugs first, wins!"

We both practically fell on each other trying to hug first and we laughed and laughed and laughed.

It was very cute!!

One of those moments of joy, an unexpected gift.

Friday Five at the Garage Sale

2008-05-29T21:48:00.000-07:00

From Songbird & Will smama at RevGalBlogPals...

1) Are you a garage saler? Not at all

2) If so, are you an immediate buyer or a risk taker who comes back later when prices are lower?

In general, I am not an immediate buyer. I wait, I mull it over, I reconsider. But it's like every so often, I just go crazy and buy on impulse.

3) Seriously, if you're not a garage saler, you are probably not going to want to play this one.(That wasn't really #3.)3) This is the real #3: What's the best treasure you've found at a yard or garage sale?

A friend found both a TV and a vacuum cleaner for me once. Does that count?

4)If you've done one yourself, at church or at home, was it worth the effort?

I should make my son do one--geez, he has a lot of stuff for a 7-year-old!!

5) Can you bring yourself to haggle?

I have on other occasions--and have gotten good deals, too! Only seems to work when I really don't care, though.

My own bonus question: if you're not a garage saler, what would make you convert?

If I actually knew ahead of time what kinds of things might be there. Like, right now, I need a washer/dryer set and a vacuum cleaner. If I saw a garage sale sign with those items listed, I'd turn my car around to go find it.

Medicine Woman

2008-05-28T07:27:00.000-07:00

I was watching the Waltons this morning. The episode where Mary Ellen decides she wants to become a doctor so that she can help the hill people better than she had been able to as a nurse. I felt really connected to that, to the way she felt about it.

Then there was the episode where John-Boy was helping a pregnant woman in a deserted mountain cabin and when she got sick, he went to see the local African-American healer, who directed him to her shelf full of herbal blends. There, he found exactly the one she'd prescribed and it worked.

Last night, I listened to a teleclass designed to sell a weekend training in August that I won't be able to attend.

But the woman who was speaking last night was talking about finding one's authentic voice. She mentioned themes and threads that follow us, in her opinion, through many lifetimes, that will help us figure out what our message is, what our voice is. If I believed in multiple lifetimes, based on the attraction I have always had for healing, medicine people, curanderas, etc, I would be sure that I had been one of them in a previous life.

What I do believe, instead, is that we carry generational memories, some that need to be healed, some that will guide us as to who we really are. We inherit traits and maybe even life or soul missions, right alongside the blue eyes or brown skin and the tendency toward high cholesterol.

Well, my family is said to have some native American ancestry.

I never have been very interested in genealogy before now, but it suddenly occurs to me that maybe I take after some native American ancestor. If you can heal in every generational direction, can you also inherit that way, as well?

Perhaps it's a flight of fancy (I am quite the romantic sort), but I feel somehow connected to some wise woman/medicine woman/village healer/storyteller. If true, it would certainly tie a lot of things together: my interest in healing, my intuition, my connection to nature, my desire to be part of a small town/intentional community/etc. Maybe even my attraction to log cabins and country decor :)

These are all things that seem odd in comparison to the family members I know.

Another thought I had is that if this is true, I have some layers of false self that still need to be healed. For example, I have allergies!

I'm working on that, though.

And I called my mother to ask her about it. She thinks the connection is through her grandfather, but she's going to ask around and try to find out more.

But even if that turns out to be a dead end, I know I'm onto something in tying these things together. And now I know that last night's teleclass wasn't a total waste of time!

Happy Memorial Day!

2008-05-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

What a great day for families!

I slept in -didn't really feel like getting up, actually- and then, had a quiet, leisurely day with Jonathan before heading to my mom's house for an early dinner. Hamburgers, baked beans, rice, sweet tea and apple pie. Wonderful!

With running, screaming children and I Love the 70s as a backdrop.

My sister was very, very tired and not inclined toward conversation.

But other than that, it was a normal family gathering, complete with leftovers.

Jonathan and I had heard on the radio that there was to be a moment of silence at 3pm this afternoon in honor of our military and we observed it.

This song came to mind and I sang a little of it. He joined in. I am not sure I'm always proud to be an American, especially when I remember things like racism, slavery and gay bashing. But one thing I know for sure, as Oprah likes to say, is that I am very proud of the people who are giving their lives and have given their lives to serve our country...

If tomorrow all the things were gone,I’d worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,with just my children and my wife.
I’d thank my lucky stars,to be livin here today.
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom,and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American,where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,God bless the USA....

Lee Greenwood

the Smell of Rain

2008-05-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

I came out here on my balcony to watch, listen to and smell the rain. The trees are talking to each other, too, so there's lots to experience. I love the smell of rain!

I have had a great day at home today, hanging out with my son.

Earlier, we watched "Groundhog Day". Such an interesting premise. Living the same day over and over again. I've seen the movie several times before, but had some new thoughts today.

Being able to predict and thus, prevent, the things that would happen in your neck of the woods would be a burdensome responsibility. Remember him hurrying on the way to catch the boy who was about to fall?

On the other hand, it would be a great way to try out new ways of being and moving in the world, because none of it would stick. It would all be just an experiment you could try again and again until you liked the outcome. You would be freed from the burden of doing and could focus more easily on being, or even becoming.

You could practice transparency. No one would remember anything you'd said or done!

I would love to have that kind of time with my wife. And once the do-over day was finally over, I would know her in a way I hadn't had time for before and would have honed the skill of letting her know me and learned how she would be likely to respond. Trying it again for real would be much less risky!

Of course, I expect we will come to know each other that well anyway. And I look forward to the deepening intimacy that comes with lots of time and experience and storms weathered together!

With parenting, I'm guessing that I would learn not to sweat the small stuff and I could choose day after day after day (the same day) to spend time with my son without having to worry about things like bills or making a living.

Of course, I was just saying to a friend the other day that we can all choose to stop worrying any time we want, no matter what our circumstances are. But I think a situation like that would drive the point home even more.

The rain seems to have stopped, though its fragrance lingers.

My son is inside and has just come to check on me for the fourth time in about 15 or 20 minutes.

Guess I'll head in...

A Friday Five on Vacation

2008-05-23T15:32:00.000-07:00

From Sally, RevGalBlogPals...

It is a holiday weekend here in the UK, and the weather forecast for much of the country is not good!!! But we can still dream and so with that in mind I bring you this Friday Five.

1. Getting ready for summer, do you use the gradual tanning moisturisers ( yes gentlemen you too can answer this!!!), or are you happy to show your winter skin to the world?

Well, I have what might be called a natural tan. So when I think of preparing for summer, I think of softening the skin I haven't been showing all winter.

2.Beach, mountains or chilling by the pool, what/ where is your favourite getaway?

You know what would be wonderful? A cottage or cabin on the beach, where you could walk right to it from the house.

3.Are you a summer lover or does the long break become wearing?

I love every season except winter. My fave thing about summer is being able to wear sandals and dresses and feel the sun and breeze on my legs and arms.

4.Active holidays; hiking swimming sailing, or lazy days?

I love the "lazy, crazy hazy days of summer"!

5.Now to the important subject of food, if you are abroad do you try the local cuisine, or do you prefer to play it safe?

I've only been to Canada. In general, I am rather cautious, so I would tend to stick to what I know.

No bonus this week unless you can think one up!!!

My bonus question: are you planning to go anywhere in particular, this summer?

I'd love to go to Myrtle Beach (I have a great time every time I go), but I'm not sure if I'll be able to go or not.

Bonus #2...

Today's Healing Gift

2008-05-16T10:14:00.000-07:00

Someone recently asked me for healing and as always, it blessed me to do it!

But not only does it feel good to do distant healing, I am almost always reminded or inspired to work on healing something in myself that I hadn't thought of or completed. I've made a change recently and change often makes me cranky!

And I was just putting up with it. I hadn't even thought about directing healing toward it specifically. I think I was trying to ignore it! And there has been so much on my mind lately~~I'm still taking in everything I experienced during the retreat~~that it was easy to shrug it off.

But thankfully, someone reminded me that I can have help with any and everything that concerns me. Even the things that make me irritable!

I feel so much better now!

A Grand Tour Friday Five

2008-05-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

From Songbird at RevGalBlogPals...

Name five places that fall into the following categories:

1) Favorite Destination -- someplace you've visited once or often and would gladly go again

Myrtle Beach: I especially loved hanging out at Broadway at the Beach.

Del Coronado: The hotel is right on the beach and the hotel rooms are so wonderful. They don't look or feel like hotel rooms.

2) Unfavorite Destination -- someplace you wish you had never been (and why)

I've just realized that twice, when I went to Richmond, VA, I got sick while I was there and spent most of the visit not feeling well.

Coincidence? I don't know! :)

3) Fantasy Destination -- someplace to visit if cost and/or time did not matter

Europe: I think I'd want to go just about everywhere!

4) Fictional Destination -- someplace from a book or movie or other art or media form you would love to visit, although it exists only in imagination

Farmingdale, Vermont: part of the Human Interest universe, written in the Brokeback Mountain fandom.

In this story, Jack and Ennis buy a farm in Vermont and work at creating that "sweet life" that jack always wanted. If I could, I'd move there to live with them.

Waltons Mountain, Virginia: but only if I could actually be a Walton and get to live in that house :).

5) Funny Destination -- the funniest place name you've ever visited or want to visit

I have been to some places with funny names but can't remember any of them right now!

Guru Girl Weekend Training

2008-05-11T15:36:00.000-07:00

I just completed the first of nine weekend retreat training experiences and it was wonderful, as were all the women to whom I opened my heart. The two women who led our experience and will be our teachers created a warm, welcoming, beautiful space for us to bond and begin our journey.

And Sinsinawa Mound, where I stayed, was equally beautiful and a quiet, soul-nurturing space, as well!

I have experienced some shifts already and I'm really looking forward to every part of the rest of this journey!

Here are a few highlights...

1) Walking the labyrinth and offering every concern to God

2) Seeing the "Christmas trees" and making friends with some of the other trees in the area

3) Eating some of the wonderful meals

4) Telling one of the leaders that I was amazed that there were people like her and the other leader, and having her say, "you're people like us!"

5) Finding that a few of the women, one in particular, are willing to give themselves over to laughter just like me. I had some wonderful laughs!

6) Getting here early and finishing the story I was writing

7) Getting to re-live the emergence of spring.

It's just beginning here so there was a touch of winter still and I got to enjoy drinking hot tea and wearing long sleeves and wrapping the prayer shawl around me given by one of the other women

8) Watching Mary Poppins with one of the Sisters who lives here in the Dominican Community and getting to meet and talk to some of the others.

9) Creating and having my very own medicine drum. The creating part was less-than-thrilling, to say the least!!! But now that it's all done, I'm glad to have it. I have named it Laughing Brook.

10) Singing Trish's song, "Namaste, namaste. I greet you with my heart wide open..." to the other women.

There were many other wonderful moments, including watching "Grey's Anatomy" with the first few wonderful people who arrived and "August Rush" on the last night we were here.

In case I haven't yet made it clear, I had a fantastic time!!

Happy Mother's Day! (a few days early)

2008-05-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

My sister sent this to me the other day and I thought it so perfectly expressed the way we feel when we mother, that I wanted to share it here. I don't know who wrote it, but it's beautiful!

I'm away at a training retreat right now and I really miss my son!! This reminded me of him...

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

It's Official!

2008-05-02T13:52:00.000-07:00

"With wide-open hearts and joyful smiles, we delightfully welcome you to the class of 2008-2010. The gifts you offer the Circle bring a depth of goodness for us all. The wealth of life experience and the diversity of the wider group promise us opening, deepening, and an exciting journey together."

I'm going to train to be a spiritual director!!

And it starts next weekend!

There are nine weekend retreat trainings in all in addition to everything we do in between. I'm excited!

Jonathan is a little less than excited :). When I first told him, he said several times that he didn't want me to do it.

But guess what! I had told him about the weekends, but then, realized that because of kooky flight schedules, I'm actually going to have to get there a couple of days early this first time. So before I told him that, I made him hold an amethyst crystal in one hand and a rose quartz crystal in the other for 10 minutes or more.

He was SO calm when I told him! I mean, he hugged me and made a few quiet murmurings about not wanting me to go so soon, but he kept holding the crystals and basically, was fine. And has been all day.

Now I just need to figure out what I'm going to pack!

I know it will be cold there (retreat center near Iowa), but should I take my boots? *Ponders*

A Prayerful Friday Five

2008-05-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

Prayer is a joy to some of us, and a chore to others, waiting likewise can be filled with anticipation or anxiety....So how do you wait and pray?

1. How do you pray best, alone or with others?

Alone, using contemplative prayer or healing techniques with visualization.

I rarely use words anymore, or not very many.

2. Do you enjoy the discipline of waiting, is it a time of anticipation or anxiety?

No I can be rather impatient. It depends, though. When I am sure of something, I enjoy anticipation, sometimes more than what I'm waiting for, really. But if I am unsure, I hate waiting.

3. Is there a time when you have waited upon God for a specific promise?

Well, I am sure there have been several! But the one that just came to mind began when I was 9 years old. I was being abused and basically, had a sort of out-of-body experience where I told God I wasn't going back.

God promised me that if I did, I would be healed and my life would be happy.

Well, the unfolding of that promise took more than 30 years!! But God kept that promise.

4. Do you prefer stillness or action?

Stillness. In prayer and in life, in general.

(*cough* Couch potato *cough*) (*cough* Love to read *cough*)

5. If ( and this is slightly tongue in cheek) you were promised one gift spiritual or otherwise what would you choose to recieve?

Wealth! (Hello...)

:)

Tuesday Two: Care Package

2008-04-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

When I was in college, I looked forward to getting care packages from my family. I think the idea of it felt even better than the real thing did when it arrived. They say it's the thought that counts and I tend to agree!

Yesterday, a care package arrived from my wife, with presents for me and my son and "the perfect card" that she has been excited for me to receive ever since she found it.

It started me thinking today about care packages, both physical and figurative (emails, PMs, pics, phone calls). So here's a Tuesday Two about care packages...

1) What have you received recently, literally or figuratively, that made you feel loved?

My sweetie's perfect card! Here's a quote from it...

"I know it's crazy for me to think you're never more than a heartbeat away when there are so many miles between us. But in the precious moments when we're together, it's like the stars are perfectly aligned and everything's right with the world. And those moments are so incredible, that once they've passed, I can't get them--or you--off my mind."

2) What have you done recently, literally or figuratively, to express love or caring for someone else?

I created a scrapbook for my wife and sent it to her. In addition to pictures of us, and our family, I included journaling which expressed how much I love her and how much she means to me.

Bonus question: what has happened recently between you and God recently that felt like a demonstration of God's love for you?

Through a series of circumstances, I was able to get more clear about what I think I am meant to do.

~~~~~

So that's our Tuesday Two, gay Christian bloggers (and friends)! Post a link in the comments if you play.

Remembering Grandpa

2008-04-23T07:47:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you'd assume from reading the title that you are about to read about my grandfather. Well, no, that's not the case. My actual grandfather abused me. So, no fond memories of him.

But I've adopted another one! Grandpa Walton from the Waltons.

I used to watch the Waltons as a child but was so young, I barely remembered any of the episodes when I began to watch it from time to time as an adult. Recently, my son and I started watching it together. We have fallen in love with it!

And I, as I said, have adopted Grandpa for my very own.

But on today's episode, the very next one after Grandma Walton came home following her stroke and the extended hospital stay, we found out that Grandpa had died! ...

Sadly, on April 22nd 1978, the beloved Grandpa of the Walton children, and one of America's best loved actors, died just before the filming for the next season of The Waltons was due to begin. It has been nice to see that his memory was still incorporated into the scripts of The Waltons, and he was, and still is, often referred to by the Walton family members, in just the same way as a loved grandparent might be in any family. His photo is still around the Waltons set, and we often see flashbacks as family members recall specific incidents.

http://members.tripod.com/~StumpJ/grandpabio.html

Both of us cried and felt as shocked as I imagine most viewers did who watched it all those years ago.

So I thought I'd take a few minutes just to celebrate him. You'll see why I wish he had been my Grandpa instead of the one I got stuck with by birth (and my Grandmother's remarriage).

Grandpa Walton was full of life! He was always laughing and seemed so accepting of anyone who crossed his path. He was very in tune with nature and had a strong faith. He enjoyed life and every so often would take a day off and "go fishing". But really he just seemed to need time to reconnect.

I hope for his sake that Earl Hamner's real grandfather was as wonderful as this one.

I wish mine had been!

Enchanted

2008-04-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

I've had an enchanted day!

Well, maybe not the whole day, but so much of it was magical, wonderful and special that I'm officially declaring the whole day enchanted.

I also drank a little more sweet tea than usual. Is caffeine magical?

The first wonderful thing just might have been scrambled eggs for breakfast. But then, I took an Epsom salts bath (tell me again why I don't do that every day?). My son and I spent time together in between my sessions with clients. Hanging out with him makes any day better! And later, we went for a walk and spent extra time connecting with the trees.

He agreed with me that when the sun went down for a few minutes, it felt like we were on the edge of an enchanted forest. I felt like my energy embraced the fluffy clouds and the spring green, mossy trees. I could almost feel myself sinking into the cloud bed and folding my legs around the thick tree branch.

My neighbor invited us in to give Jonathan a lollipop, and after taking a peek at her decor, I was inspired to change my living room a little. The way that I moved my chair makes it look and feel much more cozy! And it opens up the window to the balcony in a way I didn't even know was possible.

I'm sitting here looking out of that double window right now and I love my new completely unobstructed view!

What a great day!

My inner voice keeps reminding me about the tea. Yes, I have creating an energetic "decongestant" formula on my to-do list. I need to figure out what combo of symbols, hand positions and crystals would function as a decongestant so I could lessen my responsiveness to caffeine. Okay, mom :).

Still a great day, though! I'm grateful for it.

So that's what God meant!

2008-04-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

I think I've posted here before that I've heard whisperings and felt nudges from God about ministry.

Which puzzled me because I don't think of myself as the type who would ever want to be a pastor, and that's what comes to mind. The words "healing minister" have always appealed to me but I just didn't know how healing would be a part of a pastorship.

So I decided to just let it hang in the air and wait for more information. I figured whatever I needed to know would present itself one way or the other!

And now, I think that has happened. I had never heard of being a spiritual director before! Even when I saw the blog page of one of the RevGalBlogPals, I thought it seemed like a neat idea and even something I'd enjoy doing but I thought it must be a Catholic thing since I'd never heard of it.

But recently, I found out that people from any faith tradition can learn to be spiritual directors and it looks like it would fit together well with my healing practice. I even found a training program that seems perfect.

So I am definitely going to look into this and see what happens...

Friday Five: Just 24 Hours...

2008-04-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

From RevHRod at RevGalBlogPals...

So here are the five things for you to consider...

If you could dramatically change your physical appearance for 24 hours, what would you do?

Well, since I am a minority, I would want an advantaged position. So, I would become a white male. A really good-looking one between 20 and 30.

I saw a Saturday Night Live skit once with Eddie Murphy where they made him up to look white. It was hilarious!! When he got on the bus and other black people were on it, everything seemed normal. But as soon as they got off, the music came on, the ballons were released and people were laughing!

When he went to the bank, the black loan officer seemed hesitant to give him a loan (I think he had no collateral). But the white loan officer took him into his office and pulled out a bag of money and said, "here, take it!".

When he went to the store, picked something out and reached for his wallet, the cashier said, "you know you don't have to pay for that!" and handed him the item he was going to buy.

I don't suppose that would be my experience during the 24 hours, but I do think it would be quite different than the 24 hours I'm about to have in my own skin.

If you could live in another place for 24 hours where would you go?

Well, I'd want to live in my dream house on the lake. So I'd have to go into the future.

You get to do somebody else's job for a day...

I'd want to sing and dance on Broadway. I'm thinking Mamma Mia.

Spend the day with another person from anywhere in time and space...

Well, I'm torn.

I'd like to spend a day interviewing Jesus--because boy, do I have questions! And I'd like to feel God's love up close with skin on.

OTOH, there are two Brokeback Mountain stars I'd like to spend a day with, one at a time, of course.

I'd like to spend Heath's last day with him so that it wouldn't be his last day, but also so I'd know exactly what the mistake was that killed him (and, of course, I'd try to prevent it).

But I'd also like to spend a day with Jake when he didn't know I was there (see my next answer) and felt completely safe from prying eyes. Let me just say that I don't think he'd be with Reese!

A magical power is yours. Which one would you pick?

Well, I'm getting my cake and eating it, too! Because one of the other questions allows me time travel into the future. What's good about that is that it would relieve my worries about how things turned out.

But for this question, I want to pick invisibility. One of my fave books fron childhood was Harriet the Spy, and there are still lots of things I'd love to know :).

***I thought of 2 bonus questions I'd like to answer***

Bonus question #1: If you could relive any 24-hour period, what would it be?

I think I would pick the day when I first realized I could look into my beloved's eyes and see her heart and her soul. It was when we first fell in love and we stared into each other's eyes a lot that day. It felt absolutely wonderful to be so loved and feel so close!

Bonus question #2: If you could create a 24-hour period in the future, what would happen?

My son's happy, romantic wedding day that he has created and paid for himself because of his wildly successful career :).

Finding Who You Really Are

2008-04-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

That's the title of the chapter discussed last night during the webinar with Oprah and Eckhart. One thing that stood out for me was his answer to a question posed by one of the Skypers. She described herself as highly sensitive (I am, also) and asked how to avoid reacting to the "small stuff", as he advises in the book, when sensitive people are bothered by small stuff every day.

He asked for an example, and she mentioned noise and chaos, both of which bother me, too.

What he said was that the most important thing she could do would be to understand that that there are three levels. One level is her awareness of the bothersome stimulus (noise, etc), the second level is her reaction to the bothersome stimulus (irritability was one possible reaction) and the third level is her awareness of that reaction.

He did not deny that she was sensitive, but he did insist that she was more than her reaction to it and that as she became more aware of that distinction, she might find that her reaction would diminish.

Well, that would be great!

He also talked about experiencing spaciousness, which I think is what I do when I stare at the moon or watch the trees blow in the wind.

And I loved what he said about abundance because it was a great reminder to practice gratitude!

Each week, I am surprised by how much I get out of the webinar. Like Oprah said, the more you encounter the material, the more it sinks in and also, you may notice something you hadn't before.

A Moving Friday Five...

2008-04-12T12:54:00.000-07:00

From Mother Laura at RevGalBlogPals...

We are right in the middle of a move--only twenty minutes away, but we're still a mix of busy, excited, nervous and surprisingly full of grief about what we're leaving, for me at least. So this week's Friday Five asks about your experience of the marvels and madness of moving...

1. How many times have you moved? When was the last time?

I think I have moved about 22 times, but I may be forgetting one or two. The last time was about 6 months ago.

2. What do you love and hate about moving?

I love the newness and freshness of being somewhere new. What's much less wonderful is packing everything up, living amongst boxes, the weirdness of being somewhere new, and the difficulty of finding what you need when it now not where it "used to be".

3. Do you do it yourself or hire movers?

I have very rarely done it myself. I have paid movers, I have solicited help from friends and the last three times had LOTS of help from family members.

4. Advice for surviving and thriving during a move?

Get outside, away from the mess, a lot. Soak up everything wonderful about nature and lose yourself in it for minutes at a time or longer to temporarily soothe away the stress.

Release yourself from responsibilities like cooking, entertaining, etc. Go out to eat and get away from the house for a while.

Be prepared to live with chaos for a while. It isn't possible, or even wise, to try to get it all unpacked and tidy immediately. When you do start to get things in order, elicit plenty of help.

Take Airborne or plenty of vitamin C. People get so stressed out during a move that they sometimes get sick right after getting settled.

Say a thorough goodbye to the place you're leaving. Take pictures if you haven't already.

Take time off work--at least one day more than you think you'll need.

Get extra sleep and drink plenty of water!

After it's all been done and you're completely unpacked, it may still feel weird for a while. Be patient with yourself and your family.

5. Are you in the middle of any inner moves, if not outer ones?

I think so, but I'm only vaguely aware of what they are. As my wife likes to say, I'll keep you posted as events warrant :).

Bonus: Share a piece of music/poetry/film/book that expresses something about what moving means to you.

My last move is what comes to mind here. I was forced to move because of my landlord's decision to sell the charming Victorian I was renting. I had lived there for 4 years and loved it. I could not imagine living somewhere else I would love as much but knew I had to deal with it and find a place.

I am ever so grateful for the way it turned out and I love my new place!

The movie I'm reminded of, I think, is Working Girl. The last scene where Melanie Griffith calls up her friend and says, "you'll never guess where I am!" and her friend gives this big whoop of joy, jumps up and throws up her arms. That ending moves me every time because she expected and was prepared to live with so much less than she got!

And the theme song ...

It's asking for the taking
Trembling, shaking
Oh, my heart is aching
We're coming to the edge
Running on the water
Coming through the fog
Your sons and daughters...

It's good for both internal and external moves

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rCPwhC6R8A

Are we Christians?

2008-04-06T17:10:00.000-07:00

We were on the way home from church this afternoon, and my 7-year-old son asked me if we were Christians. He had heard something during children's church that prompted the question. So I gave him a short list of qualities I associate with being Christian ...

Having a relationship with God

Following Jesus & His teachings

Wanting to be more like Him

So, I asked if after hearing that, he thought he was a Christian and he said no. he also didn't think that I was, either. We talked about why but his answers were bewildering. He described what a "relationship" would look like and agreed that we both did those things, but he wouldn't budge that we weren't Christians.

I said that the label wasn't that important but that I was puzzled by his saying that he didn't think either of us had a relationship with God.

Eventually, we got to the bottom of it: he was afraid that if we were Christians, we'd get killed the way Jesus did!!

I quickly did what I could to allay that fear, but an hour later (we discussed it at dinner), I am still surprised at the things he finds to be afraid of! It tells me that a sense of safety needs to be a main target for healing.

Anyway, the verdict is in: he guesses we're Christians as long as it's safe!

A Revelation Friday Five

2008-04-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

From Sally at RevGalBlogPals...

With this Sunday's gospel reading in mind, that wonderful revelation of Christ to the companions on the Emmaus road, I wonder where you might have been surprised by God's revelation recently.So with no further waffle I offer you this week's Friday 5:

How has God revealed him/herself to you in a:

1. Book: Right before Easter, I read those chapters in John where Jesus is saying goodbye and trying to prepare his disciples. It's like he's trying to make sure he's said and done everything he needs to do before he leaves them.

I was really touched by that, it felt like looking into his heart.

2.Film: There's a scene in Brokeback Mountain, toward the end, where Ennis goes to Jack's house and meets his parents. The tenderness and concern offered by Jack's mother and the way Ennis found the shirts both seem like the hand of God in Ennis's life.

3. Song: The music at my church frequently moves me. Most of the time, it's the expressions on each person's face. Their vulnerability, their transparency, the way they make a gift of themselves during the performance.

Well, on Easter Sunday, my pastor was one of the men who sang the song I mentioned in a post a week or so ago. The video is there, too, if you'd like to see what I mean. When he sang, it was like looking at his heart! But it was like looking in one of those weird mirrors--I saw his heart but I also saw God. And what a beautiful sight!!

4. Another person: Earlier this week (also, mentioned in another post), my son reminded me all day not to forget to "call the lady" to find out if we could buy her washer and dryer. Well, it turned out that the buyer she'd expected did, indeed, show up to buy it as planned.

When I told my son, he burst into tears and said, "I really wanted that for you!".

The surprise I felt is just like the surprise I sometimes feel when it dawns on me that God loves me purely in just that way.

5. Creation: I marvel each Spring as everything sprouts and blooms and makes itself new. Just yesterday or the day before, I was thinking about how reassuring that is about God's faithfulness in our lives in general.

Bonus answer: your choice- share something encouraging/ amazing/ humbling that has happened to you recently!

The fullness and the generosity of my son's love humbles me every day!

My Aunt's Homophobia

2008-04-03T14:42:00.000-07:00

My mom and son and I went out for lunch this afternoon, and had a great time!! I had apricot tea and quiche and lemon cake for dessert. Yum!

But then, I asked my mother about talking to the aunt who had called her just to say that she didn't want to be confronted with my homosexuality. I asked her if she'd talked about it with her since then and she said that she had. Apparently, my mom called her to talk about it, to clarify that she had meant to make as strong a statement as she seemed to be making.

Well, they seemed to have cleared it up to my mother's satisfaction. But not to mine! And I am pretty sure now that I will not be going to the family reunion.

My aunt clarified that she has nothing against us personally, she just dislikes the issue, and doesn't want to deal with it. So if my wife and I were ever to see her together, she wouldn't want me to introduce her as my wife.

Guess what! She needn't worry.

My Sweet Son

2008-03-31T17:20:00.001-07:00

I have such a sweet son!

I have been keeping my eye out for a washer-dryer set because my apartment complex does not come with them, just a coin-operated laundry room. Well, I saw an ad for a washer-dryer set for an incredible price and when I called, the lady told me a guy promised to bring money for it in a few days and to check back after that in case it fell through and then, I could have it.

Well, when I called, the set was sold. Ah, well!

But when I told Jonathan, he burst into tears!! "I really wanted them for you!"

And it took him a few minutes to get past the disappointment. I didn't even know he was holding it so close. I was quite moved by that.

A Million Dollar Friday Five

2008-03-28T12:18:00.000-07:00

From Singing Owl at RevGalBlogPals...

"My husband and I started musing (after watching "Deal or No Deal") about what we could do with a million dollars. I thought I'd just bring that discussion into the Friday Five this week. It's simple. What are five things you would want to do with a million dollar deposit in your bank account?"

1) Build my dream house: a log cabin on a lake

2) Put most of the rest of the money in savings, but donate some to my church

3) Live modestly off the interest of whatever is left after buying the house

4) Work part-time in my healing practice (maybe one day a week)

5) Spend more time with family and friends

Opening the Heart

2008-03-27T13:50:00.000-07:00

Not only did I work on clearing, I also did some work on opening my heart, and I felt so much better afterward!

I've been having a great work day!!

I had a session with a client who was stuck with regard to the issue being worked on so I offered to do some distant healing work right then and there and then, call back to check on the progress. I prayed for it to be really powerful and unstick the client :).

When I checked back and used my intuitive testing technique to determine where the client was, there was a 30% increase in healing that issue. WOW! What I used was a combination of the Healing Codes, reiki and crystals.

So that inspired me to do some distant energy work on a friend of mine and with that issue, there was a 40% reduction in the problem.

Another client today was having a healing response and through my distant healing work, I was able to clear him of it in about 5 minutes. He told me that his headache cleared completely and so did his dizziness. And I didn't even know that those were his symptoms but while I was working on him, I saw stuff coming out of his head. I believe that angels help me when I heal and I intuitively saw them pulling energy out of his head. How cool!

I am so encouraged and inspired by all that happened today!! It really reinforces the direction I want to shift into, which is doing more distant healing work. How exciting!

Closed for Repair

2008-03-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

For the second day in a row, when I took my walk, I felt distant as I approached, stood in front of and walked by the trees. Even the one I call the love tree!

Today, I stood there a little longer in silence and considered what might be going on with me. I thought about the fact that I'd been quite prickly this week and had not felt well. And coincidently, I'd done some major healing work on an old childhood wound just this past Saturday. Hmm. Maybe not such a coinkidink, after all.

A few minutes went by and I began to perceive an energy barrier between me and the trees. I pictured my heart opening, which seemed like a way to tell myself that currently it was closed. Perhaps it has been closed for repair. And maybe that's what that energy barrier was all about.

My son was clingy for a couple of days this week. They are incredibly sensitive to what happens with us. I had thought it was because he didn't feel well, and indeed, we've both been under the weather. But perhaps we've both been clearing. Releasing.

I believe that when you heal, you heal backwards, forwards and sideways, so he would have benefited from the work I did, too.

I think that explains a lot of what we've been experiencing! I just didn't recognize it. Once you start healing, nothing ever presents itself clearly, even on exit, because it doesn't look the same.

Well, anyway, I suppose I'll stop writing and go do some active clearing!

Easter Sunday

2008-03-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

As I anticipated Easter, during the few days leading up to it, I wasn't sure what I was celebrating. My beliefs have shifted a bit. I no longer believe that Jesus "had to die" to appease an angry God, so that He wouldn't be angry at us anymore.

So I wasn't sure what His death and resurrection meant without that belief. I'm still not sure!

Nonetheless, the Easter service I attended was absolutely wonderful!! The music, the liturgical dancers, it was all very moving.

Here's one of the songs that moved me so, especially the chorus...

Oh, how I love Him
How I adore Him
My breath, my sunshine, my all in all
The Great Creator became my Savior
And all God's fullness dwelleth in Him

Losing Jesus

2008-03-22T13:21:00.000-07:00

Last night, at the Good Friday service, I was struck by a sense of loss! I felt like I'd been spending the past couple of months, give or take, following Jesus around, listening to what He had to say, thinking about His message and celebrating everything He means to us. And here I was, at a sort of wake, thinking about His death, thinking about Him saying goodbye.

The passage in John, the long goodbye, kept flashing into my mind and I just really felt the "don't leave us" sadness of it all!

So, thinking in that vein, Saturday must have been truly awful for the disciples! Emptiness, loneliness, grief.

When I first heard this song by Bryan Duncan, maybe 20 years ago?, I was struck by that same sense of grief and sadness. It seems appropriate today...

Love You with My Life

I would like to say
Just before I leave you
I'll be back some day
And with me I will take you
So do not be afraid
Only watch and pray
And wait for my return

I've done what I must do
My work here is completed
It's all been done for you
Believe what I have stated
I will give you peace
Through all your tribulations
Until I come again

Please know that I love you
I'll stay by your side
If only now in spirit
I'll still be your guide
You will not suffer long
For I have suffered for you
I love you with my life

I'll prepare a place
Where we can live together
I'll meet you face to face
To share our new forever
Don't let your love grow cold
And I will not allow
What's more than you can bear

Please know that I love you
I'll stay by your side
If only now in spirit
I'll still be your guide
You will not suffer long
For I have suffered for you
I love you with my life

Love you with my life,
love you with my life,
love you with my life

Love you with my life,
love you with my life,
love you with my life, ....

Five for Good Friday

2008-03-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

From RevGalBlogPals...

Our worship today will differ from place to place. Some services will focus on the great litany of prayers. Others will use the seven last words of Jesus. Some of us will walk the stations of the cross. Others will participate in a Tennebrae service of shadows and light.

I hope that this Friday Five will be a meaningful part of your Good Friday. God's blessings to you on your journey.

1) Our prayer concerns are as varied as we are this day. For whom would you like us to pray?

Well, my son and I are both feeling a little bit under the weather these past few days. If it weren't for the Good Friday service, I would probably not leave the house. I'd appreciate prayer for both of us.

2) Are there things you have done or will do today to help the young ones understand this important day in our lives?

My son and I have been reading and discussing the appropriate stories in his children's Bible. The thought of Jesus being killed is upsetting to him. He has been trying to read things himself as much as he can, but he handed that story to me to read because he didn't want to read it.

3) Music plays an important part in sharing the story of this day. Is there a hymn or piece of music that you have found particularly meaningful to your celebrations of Good Friday?

This guitar piece is really beautiful!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQSc4RpFuxU&feature=related

I like Amy Grant's version, too, but couldn't find it.

I did find "Emmanuel" and Jonathan and I sang that with great enthusiasm!

4) As you hear the passion narrative, is there a character that you particularly resonate with?

I can relate to Jesus. There are some things you feel you have to do that you really, really would rather not. OTOH, if I were Him, I would have changed my mind completely and said, "what was I thinking?". So it's a good thing I'm not! :)

It reminds me a little of praying out loud in front of people. I've been in groups where I felt like God was telling me to say something. And there have been times when I just didn't do it. Then, within minutes, someone else did.

If I were in Jesus's position, approaching Good Friday, we'd all be waiting to see who else God would bring along.

I always end up in awe that He was willing to go through with it!

5) Where have you seen the gracious God of love at work lately?

Everywhere! Just last night, I was staring at the moon and as always, I felt soothed and comforted.