Happy Mother's Day! (a few days early)

My sister sent this to me the other day and I thought it so perfectly expressed the way we feel when we mother, that I wanted to share it here. I don't know who wrote it, but it's beautiful!

I'm away at a training retreat right now and I really miss my son!! This reminded me of him...

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

It's Official!

"With wide-open hearts and joyful smiles, we delightfully welcome you to the class of 2008-2010. The gifts you offer the Circle bring a depth of goodness for us all. The wealth of life experience and the diversity of the wider group promise us opening, deepening, and an exciting journey together."

I'm going to train to be a spiritual director!!

And it starts next weekend!

There are nine weekend retreat trainings in all in addition to everything we do in between. I'm excited!

Jonathan is a little less than excited :). When I first told him, he said several times that he didn't want me to do it.

But guess what! I had told him about the weekends, but then, realized that because of kooky flight schedules, I'm actually going to have to get there a couple of days early this first time. So before I told him that, I made him hold an amethyst crystal in one hand and a rose quartz crystal in the other for 10 minutes or more.

He was SO calm when I told him! I mean, he hugged me and made a few quiet murmurings about not wanting me to go so soon, but he kept holding the crystals and basically, was fine. And has been all day.

Now I just need to figure out what I'm going to pack!

I know it will be cold there (retreat center near Iowa), but should I take my boots? *Ponders*

A Prayerful Friday Five

Prayer is a joy to some of us, and a chore to others, waiting likewise can be filled with anticipation or anxiety....So how do you wait and pray?

1. How do you pray best, alone or with others?

Alone, using contemplative prayer or healing techniques with visualization.

I rarely use words anymore, or not very many.

2. Do you enjoy the discipline of waiting, is it a time of anticipation or anxiety?

No I can be rather impatient. It depends, though. When I am sure of something, I enjoy anticipation, sometimes more than what I'm waiting for, really. But if I am unsure, I hate waiting.

3. Is there a time when you have waited upon God for a specific promise?

Well, I am sure there have been several! But the one that just came to mind began when I was 9 years old. I was being abused and basically, had a sort of out-of-body experience where I told God I wasn't going back.

God promised me that if I did, I would be healed and my life would be happy.

Well, the unfolding of that promise took more than 30 years!! But God kept that promise.

4. Do you prefer stillness or action?

Stillness. In prayer and in life, in general.

(*cough* Couch potato *cough*) (*cough* Love to read *cough*)

5. If ( and this is slightly tongue in cheek) you were promised one gift spiritual or otherwise what would you choose to recieve?

Wealth! (Hello...)

:)

Tuesday Two: Care Package

When I was in college, I looked forward to getting care packages from my family. I think the idea of it felt even better than the real thing did when it arrived. They say it's the thought that counts and I tend to agree!

Yesterday, a care package arrived from my wife, with presents for me and my son and "the perfect card" that she has been excited for me to receive ever since she found it.

It started me thinking today about care packages, both physical and figurative (emails, PMs, pics, phone calls). So here's a Tuesday Two about care packages...

1) What have you received recently, literally or figuratively, that made you feel loved?

My sweetie's perfect card! Here's a quote from it...

"I know it's crazy for me to think you're never more than a heartbeat away when there are so many miles between us. But in the precious moments when we're together, it's like the stars are perfectly aligned and everything's right with the world. And those moments are so incredible, that once they've passed, I can't get them--or you--off my mind."

2) What have you done recently, literally or figuratively, to express love or caring for someone else?

I created a scrapbook for my wife and sent it to her. In addition to pictures of us, and our family, I included journaling which expressed how much I love her and how much she means to me.

Bonus question: what has happened recently between you and God recently that felt like a demonstration of God's love for you?

Through a series of circumstances, I was able to get more clear about what I think I am meant to do.

~~~~~

So that's our Tuesday Two, gay Christian bloggers (and friends)! Post a link in the comments if you play.

Remembering Grandpa

I'm sure you'd assume from reading the title that you are about to read about my grandfather. Well, no, that's not the case. My actual grandfather abused me. So, no fond memories of him.

But I've adopted another one! Grandpa Walton from the Waltons.

I used to watch the Waltons as a child but was so young, I barely remembered any of the episodes when I began to watch it from time to time as an adult. Recently, my son and I started watching it together. We have fallen in love with it!

And I, as I said, have adopted Grandpa for my very own.

But on today's episode, the very next one after Grandma Walton came home following her stroke and the extended hospital stay, we found out that Grandpa had died! ...

Sadly, on April 22nd 1978, the beloved Grandpa of the Walton children, and one of America's best loved actors, died just before the filming for the next season of The Waltons was due to begin. It has been nice to see that his memory was still incorporated into the scripts of The Waltons, and he was, and still is, often referred to by the Walton family members, in just the same way as a loved grandparent might be in any family. His photo is still around the Waltons set, and we often see flashbacks as family members recall specific incidents.

http://members.tripod.com/~StumpJ/grandpabio.html

Both of us cried and felt as shocked as I imagine most viewers did who watched it all those years ago.

So I thought I'd take a few minutes just to celebrate him. You'll see why I wish he had been my Grandpa instead of the one I got stuck with by birth (and my Grandmother's remarriage).

Grandpa Walton was full of life! He was always laughing and seemed so accepting of anyone who crossed his path. He was very in tune with nature and had a strong faith. He enjoyed life and every so often would take a day off and "go fishing". But really he just seemed to need time to reconnect.

I hope for his sake that Earl Hamner's real grandfather was as wonderful as this one.

I wish mine had been!

Enchanted

I've had an enchanted day!

Well, maybe not the whole day, but so much of it was magical, wonderful and special that I'm officially declaring the whole day enchanted.

I also drank a little more sweet tea than usual. Is caffeine magical?

The first wonderful thing just might have been scrambled eggs for breakfast. But then, I took an Epsom salts bath (tell me again why I don't do that every day?). My son and I spent time together in between my sessions with clients. Hanging out with him makes any day better! And later, we went for a walk and spent extra time connecting with the trees.

He agreed with me that when the sun went down for a few minutes, it felt like we were on the edge of an enchanted forest. I felt like my energy embraced the fluffy clouds and the spring green, mossy trees. I could almost feel myself sinking into the cloud bed and folding my legs around the thick tree branch.

My neighbor invited us in to give Jonathan a lollipop, and after taking a peek at her decor, I was inspired to change my living room a little. The way that I moved my chair makes it look and feel much more cozy! And it opens up the window to the balcony in a way I didn't even know was possible.

I'm sitting here looking out of that double window right now and I love my new completely unobstructed view!

What a great day!

My inner voice keeps reminding me about the tea. Yes, I have creating an energetic "decongestant" formula on my to-do list. I need to figure out what combo of symbols, hand positions and crystals would function as a decongestant so I could lessen my responsiveness to caffeine. Okay, mom :).

Still a great day, though! I'm grateful for it.

So that's what God meant!

I think I've posted here before that I've heard whisperings and felt nudges from God about ministry.

Which puzzled me because I don't think of myself as the type who would ever want to be a pastor, and that's what comes to mind. The words "healing minister" have always appealed to me but I just didn't know how healing would be a part of a pastorship.

So I decided to just let it hang in the air and wait for more information. I figured whatever I needed to know would present itself one way or the other!

And now, I think that has happened. I had never heard of being a spiritual director before! Even when I saw the blog page of one of the RevGalBlogPals, I thought it seemed like a neat idea and even something I'd enjoy doing but I thought it must be a Catholic thing since I'd never heard of it.

But recently, I found out that people from any faith tradition can learn to be spiritual directors and it looks like it would fit together well with my healing practice. I even found a training program that seems perfect.

So I am definitely going to look into this and see what happens...