Thursday, January 22, 2009

Remembering Heath

Today is the one-year anniversary of Heath's death. We miss you, Heath!

Brain in a fog
Eyes dry as a desert
Thoughts cluttered like leaves
On the sidewalk
One hour, just one hour
I’ll be okay
Just give me one hour

Body numb
Run down like an old car
28, but I feel 50 some days
One hour, that’s all I need
Silence the thoughts
Sink into the mattress
One hour, that’s all

How much time is there?
Not nearly enough
If only I could
Make it quiet
It’s too bright in here
The light hurts my eyes

I just need time
I’ll close my eyes
Just an hour
That’s all I need
Never enough time. So true.

Never enough time.
Jake. Michelle. Tildy.
My Tildy. My little girl.
I’ll see you soon

So this is what you think about
When you’re on the edge of--

Wonderful poem by Jack's Key... link to poem

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Sweetest Hangover

"I've got the sweetest hangover
I don't want to get over.
Sweetest hangover.

I woke up quite tired today despite getting about 7 hours of sleep last night. Now, I did spend the entire day and night watching the entire Obama extravaganza. But I didn't actually stand out there in the cold, or walk for hours just to squeeze into a spot where I could watch it all from a distance. I didn't wander from party to party myself. I just watched it all on TV.

But I'm tired.

I finally figured out that it's cognitive dissonance!

Is this really happening? Is this real?

It was the kind of moment where I wanted to rub my eyes to see if I still saw the same thing afterward. There's a black man getting sworn in.

At one point during it all, I walked over to my balcony window and looked out. Yes, the sky is still blue. The sun is shining. The sky didn't darken because we broke the rule when we put a black guy in the white house. Looks like we're getting away with it?

The president has a little bit of swagger. You know, the way black men sometimes walk when they know who they are and feel pretty good about it. Of course in some neighborhoods, that walk would be exaggerated and might indicate something else entirely.

And last night, at the neighborhood ball, the president was dancing like a black man.

It reminded me of junior high dances at school. We used to call it slow dragging. That may have been regional. But it referred to a sexy kind of slow dance that enabled a fairly intimate connection. If you danced closely enough. Though he didn't hold his wife that closely, the president was dancing exactly that way.

And then later, there was a black man sleeping in the White House. I wonder if any alarms went off.

So, I really did see what I saw, right? You all can verify that for me. It all really happened? People were still talking about it today on TV so I guess it wasn't a dream.

But it sure feels like one.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

It's Really Happening: President Barack Obama

I woke up excited this morning, and must confess that I've been excited all month long but particularly so in the last few days. I bounced out of bed, very uncharacteristic for me, and scurried around getting stuff before everything started so I could be in front of the TV when the big MSNBC coverage began.

Nearly every moment since has been thrilling and/or moving, but there are a few I want to highlight. And I want to say that I have never been more proud of my country!! I've thought of our history of slavery, the Underground Railroad, the Civil War, the Emancipation Proclamation, the absence of 40 acres and a mule for anyone to whom it was promised, lynching, segregation, the right to vote followed by voter suppression, integration, the civil rights movement, Martin Luther King, Jr. and others involved in the journey.

And now, a moment in our history which I can only hope is being observed by a wonderful cloud of witnesses: we get to enjoy our very first African-American president.

When they introduced him, and the crowd went wild, I began to cry and kept saying to myself, "It's really happening! Oh my god, it's really happening!".
When he took the oath, instead of crying again, as I'd expected, I screamed! And so did my son, who then began a series of cartwheels. We both exclaimed as the wording on the screen changed to "President Barack Obama".

I cried when he sat behind the desk and later, got chills and a little teary when they played "Hail to the Chief" as he entered the luncheon.

What a momentous day! So exciting I can hardly stand it!!

(pictures from the AP)

ETA: Here's another blog post that celebrates this historic day and describes it as representative of a spiritual shift in our national consciousness. It also quoted me, so of course, I had to mention it!