Saturday, February 21, 2009

My Very First Womanless Beauty Pageant!

I had such a blast last night that I hardly know where to begin!

The event was a benefit for leukemia and lymphoma put together in part by one of my friends from church. And it was hosted by my favorite friend from church. Although I should say that it was his alter ego or female persona who did the hosting. Another church friend was a relcutant participant ~~ that is to say he was quite nervous about wearing a dress and strutting his stuff for the contest ~~ and he won the contest!!

He is Miss Thang 2009! :)

Watching him enjoy all the attention he received and seeing him ham it up quite a bit, more, I'm sure than he'd thought he would, was so much fun. He was awfully darn cute and endearingly vulnerable!

But I was completely charmed by the alter ego of my friend, the performer/host. It was like shining a spotlight on parts of who he is that only sort of sneak out from time to time, or reveal themselves in muted colors. Whereas this was full of life in every way, bright, bold, vivid, sparkly! That person doing the high kicks and riding the leg of someone who was slipping a dollar into his dress was my sweet, loving, sometimes kind of quiet friend!

But it was more than just talented and sexy performances. During one number, it felt like he was wearing his heart and his soul on top of his beautiful dress. He was lip-synching to "Do It Anyway" and it was so moving that tears came to my eyes!

Later, when I got home, I kept thinking about it and wanted to cry again!

I wonder if he puts on courage as he slips into his dress and secures the wig. Or does it just happen naturally when he hears the music?

I often dance in my head, and occasionally in my living room. And the way I feel is similar to how I felt when I used to do karaoke. Like I had all this feeling that I wanted to release, like I needed to express myself, to be myself, more than I usually do.

Is that what it's like for him, I wonder.

And does it help to become someone else before that kind of performance? Does the alter ego have a personality separate from his that sinks into his skin along with the makeup?

Who would I be if I could create an alter ego? Wonder Woman comes to mind. So does Xena. Were they handing a microphone to a shy warrior on all those Friday and Saturday nights years ago? Who was it that could dance by herself on the dance floor and get completely lost in the music?

As you can see, it was a fascinating experience.

And we raised $2500!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Friday Five: Taking A Break

I offer this Taking a Break Friday Five...

Tell us how you would spend:

1. a 15 minute break: reading a magazine or soaking up the sun on the balcony

2. an afternoon off: taking a nap, reading a book or watching a movie with my son

3. an unexpected free day: hanging out at home~~movies, popcorn

4. a week's vacation: I rarely go anywhere. Mine are all "staycations". I sleep late, have pancakes for breakfast, order pizzas, spend time with my family, read, watch TV, take naps. I'm taking next week off, actually, and I have all of that planned

5. a sabbatical: learning new healing modalities, writing a gay romance novel

Medicine Reiki

The most recent spiritual director training module has been my absolute favorite, so far, by far!

Since the retreat weekend that ended at the beginning of this month, I have looked for ways to delve deeper into the mysteries of animal medicine (no, not veterinary medicine) and have done medicine card readings and animal medicine meditations. It has been wonderful, and really seemed to reflect who I am.

But I wanted more!

I found out about medicine reiki and decided to pursue it. As I type right now, I am still lightheaded and tingly after an hour-long attunement to the medicine reiki energies. I knew the moment it started because I began to feel the energy. After a while, I could tell that it seemed to be moving chakra to chakra. I first became sure of it when I felt it at my heart chakra.

Suddenly, I felt like I loved everyone and wanted to help people. Though, of course, I have felt that way before, the deep, sweet tenderness was new. The longing to help, the sense of imperative, was new. Or long-forgotten.

And it felt like I was surrounded by vibrating waves of energy, all over, but also concentrated, at times, in certain chakra areas. I also felt the presence or energy of friendly, loving, vibrant companions. At times, I felt like there was an angel in the room. But also some kind of "wise man/shaman" energy.

Also, I had images of several of the animals I have come to know as part of my collection of animal totems: deer, dog, bear and moose. But also lion, which I had not previously identified. I felt like I heard a lion's roar in my head and I had this sense of power/empowerment. Right at that time, "I Am Woman" started playing on the radio in my head, which made me giggle a bit.

There was a quiet joy and confidence, a sense of being grounded and centered. Like I was sitting on the earth, sticking my hands into rich soil. A few moments were infused with a sense of the holy, with sacredness. And I had the thought that I want to help other people feel that way. That sense of connection with the sacred. It was God's presence plus a sense of awe, of majesty!

At one point during this experience, I felt like I was taking a magic carpet ride. As if there were vibrations beneath me. And then, that gave way to a deep, deep sense of peace.

After that, I felt a little sleepy. And that felt so normal that I thought maybe I could get up to get my notepad to write some of this stuff down. Before that, I had felt a desire to get up, but either didn't really feel like I could or didn't really want to when I considered it. But this time, I did, and I felt dizzy. Lightheaded. The way I feel right now, half an hour later!

But also excited! A sense of limitless possibility. A renewal of my calling to heal but this time, paired with a certainty that whatever my destiny is (healing, included), it will be fulfilled. So there was a lovely feeling of wellbeing and peace. Tingly peace, I suppose.

I have had several attunements over the years. But none this powerful! I'm really grateful.