Identifying with Heath

Sigh. I was fairly sure Heath had some kind of history of drug use but apparently it was much more extensive than I had imagined.

Though ET and the Insider obtained footage from a party Heath attended, they decided at the last minute, after showing plenty of teasers, not to show it "out of respect for his family" (and possibly out of fear of alienating other celebs?).

Here are two links if you want to read about it...

http://www6.comcast.net/tv/articles/2008/01/31/TV.Ledger.Video/

http://www6.comcast.net/entertainment/articles/eonline/2008/01/31/4e29e01b-890c-4274-9aff-7e21f6445c34/

Here's what I find absolutely heartbreaking...

In the video, he is heard to say he had a 20-year history of marijuana use. Actually, he said he used to smoke 5 joints a day for 20 years! The video was from a party two years ago, when he would have been 26 years old! Perhaps he was exaggerating, but as a former drug counselor, I have certainly heard things I would not normally have believed possible.

After his death, people are referring to him as "troubled" and comparing him somewhat with the roles he played.

I identified with Ennis. It's one of the reasons Brokeback Mountain meant so much to me. I truly believe I might not be married today if I hadn't seen the movie and been inspired by what happened to those two men I fell in love with on "the Mountain".

But I have come to identify somewhat with Heath, too, after some of what I've heard about him. Because he sounds like he was highly sensitive just like me!!

And I can so empathize with what it must have been like to pursue a career because he *had* to act and yet, really not want the intrusive paparazzi-and-countless-interviews bullshit. And the things he's said about how deeply he was affected by the roles he played, how hard it was to let go of them. I can understand that because I don't even watch the news!

One little news snippet can stay with me for hours. For days! So to deliberately swim around in dark energy, to become it. I'd never be able to stand it. Looks like he couldn't either.