After a church service that was hard to sit through at times, I found myself taking a walk and having a little talk with God. This afternoon, I walked alone under the trees, under the sun and on the earth, trying to ground myself, trying to get centered, trying to connect with my faith in the absolute wisdom of God. I felt surrounded by love and comfort and in the presence of wisdom.
But I was unable to outwalk my sadness. I did not manage to outwalk my grief. And I was unable to release my complaint that Heath Ledger's death was just so wrong!
I still do not understand it!
And it is still my fervent wish and prayer that he will somehow still be here for the people who need him. I'm hoping that Matilda will be able to see him. She's still young enough, I hope, and innocent enough to believe what she sees. And to see what's really there.
It must be possible. I hope it's what happens.